


The Shift

by SpenSoling



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alpha Jaebum, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, M/M, Major Character Injury, Mates, Omega Jackson, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-14
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-04-26 07:21:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 43,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4995409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpenSoling/pseuds/SpenSoling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He couldn’t exactly claim to know exactly when things started to change, the shift happening so gradually that it had taken time for Jaebum to even realize.  But Jaebum prided himself on being very aware. He made it his job to be the one on top of things, to not be caught unaware and always be prepared, ready to jump in if the need should ever arise.  So of course he had noticed how close he and Jackson had started getting. But somehow it felt different as time went on.</p><p>He felt different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Arrival

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own anything, but the story itself. These characters are based on the real life people but are not, in any way, accurate representations of them. This is a work of fiction.
> 
> I also have no beta. Editing is done by yours truly, and thus, very flawed. Please forgive my errors. Feel free to point them out to me. Constructive criticism is also welcome.
> 
> Make note, I will often be switching back and forth between real names and stage names. JB will be referred to as JB and Jaebum. Junior will be referred Junior/Jr. and Jinyoung. I can't seem to pick one and stick to it. Apologizes.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the pack arrives in Hong Kong and an unknown tensions settles over the group like an invisible elephant in the room

It was never a conscious thing for him to do, at first anyways.  It was subconscious, instinctual and in his very make up as an omega. The same way it was only natural for Jackson to crave touch, it was natural for him to watch the alphas in the group. Jackson was an unmated omega, after all, and in his prime, living with three alphas.  Without meaning to, he watched and scoped out the alphas in his life, the omega part of him trying to determine which would make the best mate for him, even if he himself didn’t feel that way about them nor was he ready to mate.  There was always an instinctual part of him that responded to the alphas in his life.

It was for this reason that a lot of people were wary about putting him in GOT7 with the others.  Idol groups didn’t mix alpha and omegas together, too much risk. Usually idol groups were made up of mostly beta and alphas.  Of course there were a few omega groups and even one or two groups that were made up of a few omega and betas together but never before had there been an idol group that had an omega mixed in when there was an alpha in the group, let alone three.

JYP himself had been hesitant as well; unsure whether or not Jackson could be a part of the idol group he wanted to make. He agreed to take Jackson in as a trainee, but he had been torn for a long while over whether or not to put him with this project group or play it safe and hold onto him for the next one. At the time, four members had already been tentatively established, his JJ Project, Mark, and BamBam. Jr. had already presented as a beta, so JYP hadn’t worried about him, but BamBam had still been so tiny, and a late bloomer as well, and hadn’t presented yet.   But most thought he would be a beta or since he had come from a fairly strong linage of alphas, there was always that chance as well. Mark and Jaebum, however, were clearly both alphas and it would be a risk to put Jackson with them. The safe choice would have been to put him with another group, like next boy group JYP already was starting to consider who already tentatively had an omega and a few betas, but Jackson had a certain style that JYP couldn’t stop thinking would be perfect for GOT7.

In the end, it had been a clear choice after really truly observing Jackson while he trained with all of the other boys. He simply meshed so perfectly with the boys, and even the other trainee, Yugyeom, a fledging boy who seemed to be on the verge of presenting as a beta despite his tall physique, which JYP was considering for GOT7 as well.  JYP took precautions, getting the best dynamic physician to work with each boy to determine how in control they all were.  Luckily both Jaebum and Mark had presented early and had spent a couple years now adjusting to their dynamic, for the most part.  Jaebum had been a slight worry, with his fiery temper that overactive alpha hormones only seemed to fuel and the raw power he had. But the boy had been working on himself for some time to calm his fire, began working personally with the dynamic physician to help, and even willingly went on a strict regimen of hormone suppressants the moment Jackson became a possibility in an attempt to suppress his overactive alpha hormones and help him with his control. Jackson too had been fairly controlled, having spent years on the fencing team in Hong Kong who also had him on a strict regimen of supplements to monitor his hormones and heats for training and competitions. 

It was still a risk, even if they were “in control” as best they could, but honestly JYP couldn’t imagine this group being any other way. They were young teens, though, who were all unmated and full of hormones and the hormone supplements/suppressants could only do so much. A full time dynamic physician was hired to always be on hand if needed and the manager hired for them was a mated alpha that was prepared to deal with different charged situations that might arise.  Yugyeom did present as a beta, which was a comfort as they were sort of neural and padded things out. BamBam, however, started to shoot up in height and then began presenting as an alpha, and JYP hurriedly found another talented beta, Youngjae, to add to the group to even things out more (not to mention actually making them GOT _7_ versus GOT6).  They debuted as the first and only group crazy enough to have three alphas, three betas, and an omega all together.

They fascinated people of course, wondering how they coped with the varying dynamics all shoved in one place. People were surprised to hear that Jackson was unmated, and so was all the other boys as well. Most of the time interviews kept it to general and safe questions, but every once and awhile a daring MC will ask about Jackson and his unmated omega status, asking about his ideal type and which member he liked the best.  It drove Jackson nuts, but he was good enough with his variety skills and his Korean was just shoddy enough that he was able to dodge the questions, the other members stepping in when needed.  People were also always surprised to hear that Jackson shared a room with Mark, an alpha, but after training together and being as close as they were, both knew that they were more like brothers than potential mates. The connection they shared was so platonic and Mark being so strong and level-headed as an alpha, he wouldn’t even bat an eye even if Jackson suddenly went into heat.  In fact, the first signs of an oncoming heat and Mark was usually the one who helped Jackson get out of the dorm.  Alphas were much more sensitive to omegas and their heats so Mark, Jaebum, and BamBam tend to notice the subtle changes in Jackson's scent before the betas in the group do and Mark, ever so in control and usually the closest to him as they share a room, is usually the one to call up the managers so they can remove the omega from the dorm before a potentially dangerous situation arises. Jackson had spent so much time with Mark that, while not able to discount the fact that his best friend definitely was someone’s mate potential, he definitely wasn’t his future mate, something that comforted him and allowed him to have a true strong ally in the world that many wouldn't have the opportunity to have.

Jackson spent a fair amount of time watching BamBam, though not because his instinct told him that he was a potential mate, but more because the second youngest was still a wild card. He had only started to present about eight months before debut, and ever the late bloomer, the process took awhile but it had surprised everyone when the first traces of the dominant alpha genes started to poke through and he suddenly just started growing taller. He was very much still all over the place, settling into the new sudden role as this gangly young kid who had yet to form any real substantial muscle (hell, even Jackson, an omega, had more muscle than BamBam, a fact that drove the kid mad with envy) or break free from his childish persona.  The changes in BamBam were noteworthy, starting out as this cute kid, and even as little as a year after debut he had changed, settling into a more comfortable place. He still had a long way to go, the late bloomer that he is, but Jackson often found himself watching him even now, trying to get an idea of what kind of alpha he was going to be or try to guess whether or not he was going to be trouble in the meantime.

Luckily the kid was docile, as far as alphas go, and he understood his place in the pack.  His hormones tended to overflow and rule at times, but both JB and Mark had made it their mission to keep him in line.  It was a delicate system, but Jaebum, with his second alpha right behind him, seemed to have everything under control.  Truthfully, Jackson was just happy that it was BamBam that had presented as alpha and not Yugyeom, that giant maknae of theirs. While Yugyeom was probably better mannered than BamBam, despite his mischievous streak of his, he was a lot bigger than their little maknae alpha and it would have been hell for Jaebum and Mark if he ever lost control as an alpha.

Then again, Jackson couldn’t help but notice that their pack leader was probably the most alpha man he had ever met. There was a reason why Jaebum was their leader and it was because of just how dominant he had presented as, even early on.  Jaebum was what society liked to call a true alpha, though he never boasted about it. His family line was not “diluted” by betas, only alphas and omegas breeding together over many, many generations. They were a very traditional bunch but very powerful in every sense of the word, and sadly their numbers very slim, enough to be considered rare.  Most true alphas find their way into traditional roles of prestige, high up in seats of power in various fields.  People don’t expect a true alpha to find their way into the entertainment business, let alone mixed into a rookie idol group, but one meeting with Jaebum and no one doubted that he was one.  He didn’t like to broadcast about his family line, never mentioning it during interviews and if an MC did speculate about it he would smile and brush off the topic; he didn’t think it made him special in any way or better than other alphas and didn’t want people talking about it.  But he did know that some people did think that way, and he did know that some omegas, and even some alphas as untraditional as that was, still dreamed about mating into this sort of family.  More often than not, true alpha families were considered the elite and they had the money to go along with it, and with their rare numbers, it was almost as if they were royal families of sort.

JB had a very intimidating presence, something he sometimes struggled with.  There had been a few times shortly after debut, when they and other idol groups were all squished onto one stage or passing by one another in crowded hallways backstage, when a small beta (or an omega or even on one occasion a smaller alpha) would accidently bump into Jaebum and then back away when the true alpha’s stare was focused on them.  Managers even had to pull Jaebum aside and let him know that his gaze and presence intimidated Sunmi, who wasn’t used to his stare and always thought that Jaebum hated her despite the fact that she was her junior. It was reason why their comeback concept, the “A” era and then “Just Right” era afterwards, had a cute boyfriend concept and why Jaebum struggled so much to soften up his image. It helped a bit, as well as the behind the scene stuff they filmed a lot since the members were able to see past his alpha behaviors.

Of course, as the alpha and leader of the group, Jackson naturally watched Jaebum.  It had honestly surprised the omega just how easily he had got along with Jaebum, even from the beginning.  Of course his true alpha nature was a huge part of him but Jackson could see practically from the beginning that behind it all Jaebum was just a marshmallow. He cared deeply about all their members, often went out of his way to make sure they were taken care of. Sure, Jackson wasn’t omniscient like Jaebum seemed to be sometimes, but he did notice the little things Jaebum did simply because he watched him enough.

For those who paid attention, it was easy to see that Jaebum cared about the members.  He wasn’t the kind of guy to give a lot of outward displays of affection, which is why those moments when he casually throws an arm over a shoulder, when a his hand would find their way to the back of their neck, or when he pat them on the back as he passed were so significant.  He affectionately called them all kids, badgering them to eat or make sure they drank plenty of water but it came from a considerate place in his heart. Even when he teased them, it came from a good place.

And then there were things that many people probably didn’t notice but Jackson did just by observing long enough that he noticed a pattern.  Jaebum often did things discretely, little acts of kindness or protectiveness. When they were in crowded places, like airports or venues, Jackson had noticed that Jaebum always kept an eye out for every member, sometimes even going as far as to step out of the flow of traffic to do a quick headcount.  Or even in the heat of a performance he was hypervigilant, especially when Jackson and Mark were going some martial arts tricking, conscious of how every member was doing. He made sure he was the last member to leave the practice room, not wanting anyone to stay behind and overwork themselves without anyone watching.  He liked to make sure everyone’s plates were full when they ate, especially the younger members who were still growing even if he did steal bites from them. He was the one to go over schedules and different things with the managers first, the one the stage crews and staff talked to before they addressed the group, acting as the filter before things reached the group.  It was the little things Jaebum constantly did that truly showed his devotion.

Of course, Jackson couldn’t help but notice just how much of a toll it took on Jaebum at times.  It was hard work being the leader, especially with their mixed group. Long hours and intense grueling schedules left them all a little bit more than worn down, but Jaebum truly seemed to carry more weight on his shoulders.  He took his role of leader seriously, took the role of pack leader even more seriously, and all that enclosed.  It wore him down more than he liked to let on, little moments of weakness shining through when he thought no one was looking.  But Jackson was, making note of how truly tired his leader looks, how easily his eyes closed, how his shoulders slumped and the tension in those broad muscles that just couldn’t seem to seep out.

It’s what Jackson couldn’t help but think of as they sat in a dark cabin, soaring above cities.  It was a short flight, from South Korea to Hong Kong, but the guys had just gotten done with a three day music festival at the tail of their latest mini-albums promotions and had driven straight to the airport from there, catching the redeye.  Tired after three long days and about a month or so of promotions where they were going on this variety show or that one, this music show at this time and then another a few hours later, radio shows at odd hours at night or in the wee hours of the morning, showcases left and right, it hadn’t taken long for the guys to crash in their seats, completely tuckered out.  Next to him BamBam was snoring away softly while Junior’s chin was pressed to his chest on the other side, unmoving in his sleep.  Jackson, however, no matter how tired he was, happened to be too excited about going home to sleep properly.  Instead he sat in the dark cabin, his music blasting in his ears, lost in his thoughts and finding it harder and harder to keep his stare away from Jaebum now that he sat so unguarded.

Jaebum sat across the aisle from him, legs stretched out, chair gently reclined, and with his head tipped back. The snapback that he had been wearing backward was now carelessly placed over his eyes. He had been the first to drop into his seat and let sleep overtake him, not even waking even slightly when Mark had accidently jostled him from his seat next to him while trying to get comfortable too.  Jackson had exchanged a worried glance with Mark, the second alpha’s eyes shining with worry at the lack of response from their leader.  Jaebum tended to sleep fairly deeply in the first place, but the nudge Mark had given him should have woken him up and the fact that it hadn’t showed just how tired their leader really was.  It bothered Jackson more than he was willing to admit.

It seemed all too quickly they were landing and Jaebum blurrily looked around the cabin, taking stock of the members. Youngjae was still sleeping, their leader couldn’t help but notice, having slept through the landing and Jaebum wordlessly signaled Yugyeom to wake him, the maknae pouting at the difficult task. JB and Jackson made eye contact quickly, the alpha breaking it shortly to drag his eyes down Jackson’s frame to be sure nothing had happened to the omega while he was sleeping, only to return his gaze back to Jackson’s face who stared back at him intently. If they were next to each other, Jackson would be reaching out to him by now, the omega in him craving touch. Instead he settled for reaching out to BamBam, who was stretching his lankly limbs out and had almost hit Jackson in the process, only to be stopped when the omega grabbed the arm and guided it to be linked with his.  Jaebum watched the exchange before wordlessly glancing over Jr. quickly, which only gave him a large yawn, before he moved on to Mark next to him.

The second alpha was eying him seriously, this oddly calculating and knowing look on his face.  The true alpha didn’t know what his friend had on his mind but it didn’t give him good feelings.  He had an odd feeling that the older of the two had noticed something Jaebum hadn’t wanted him to notice, as he often did despite all of Jaebum’s efforts, and he was debating whether or not to bring it up.  That happened to be the last thing JB wanted, whatever it was that Mark had caught onto, and he quickly shut it down with a single look, telling the second alpha to back down.  Mark knew better than to question JB so he did back down, but not before giving the pack leader a look that showed just how unimpressed he was by him. Normally this might bother Jaebum but today he was just too tired to care seeing as he just dodged a bullet.

After shuffling through the airport, and the crowd of devoted fans who came to greet them despite the odd hour, they were all loaded onto a small bus and shipped off to the hotel.  The group had a festival that they were performing at in a few days but they had decided to fly out early and spend a day or so in Hong Kong and with Jackson’s family before they were back to work.  If schedule permits, they had hopes to stay a few days after the festival as well, but Jaebum was still trying to negotiate with the managers on that one, trying to convince them to rearrange things just so they had a few more day of rest, a few more days Jackson can be with his family. As it was, because they got in at such an odd hour, Jackson’s parents were going to meet them bright and early the next morning at the hotel and they would be starting their little mini-vacation (for the most part) with them until the festival and they were forced back into work mode.  Still, Jackson was just happy to have the few days, extremely grateful to JB whom played a big part of getting them these few days.

Morning came quickly and Jackson was practically bouncing in the elevator to the lobby, where his parents were waiting on them. The seven of them were all crammed into a single elevator and the only thing keeping Jackson from rattling the whole cart was Jaebum’s steadying hand on his shoulder.  The touch comforted him, more than it would if it was one of the betas or even Mark or BamBam.  It was Jaebum’s touch-the pack’s alpha, his alpha- and it just made it that much stronger and more important.

The elevator doors opened and Jackson’s eyes zeroed in on his mother, standing in lobby with a crowd of foreign tourists between them.  The steadying hand on his shoulder turned into a restraining one, letting the small crowd mill around until there was a small enough gap that they could easily make a straight shot. It was as if Jaebum had been waiting for the break in the crowd because as soon as there was one his hand dropped and Jackson shot forward like a bullet.

“Mommy!” he yelled, probably too loud for a public place but he was too excited to care, running forward with arms outspread. His mother welcomed him with open arms and within seconds he was engulfed in them, feeling small and at home once more as his mother’s fragile petite arms held him.

“Oh, my baby,” she cooed to him in her native tongue. It was almost unnatural to hear the language he grew up hearing and speaking after so long in Korea and it left an almost surreal feeling.  Dimly he wondered if his Chinese was getting rusty, speaking Korean and English coming more and more natural to him as days passed, even dreaming in Korean now like he had always spoken the language.  For now, though, he pushed all his worries away and embraced his mother and the comfort of home that it brought.

The other members had arrived by now, having moved at a much calmer pace through the lobby, and Jackson reluctantly let his mother go so that she could greet them.  Hugs were exchanged as well as awkward greetings in clipped Chinese, the members doing their best with their limited vocabulary to communicate with Jackson’s mother.  The managers and staff joined them by this time as well and together the large group exited the hotel to meet Jackson’s father whom had procured them cars.  Jackson wasted no time greeting his father, the members following his example in more clipped exchanges filled with awkward smiles that tried to express more than the limited conversation could.

Oddly enough, Jackson noticed, the greeting between Jaebum and his father was different than those of the other members. Jackson, with all his excitement, was practically bouncing around and yet he still found himself pausing and watching as Jaebum bowed and greeted his father.  His father, for his part, stood a bit straighter, no doubt sensing Jaebum’s domineering presence.  His father was an alpha as well, and while he wasn’t as powerful as JB, he had experience and the superiority of age that, Korean culture especially, was favored.  Still, there was something odd about the exchange between them.  Even if Jaebum was bowing and offering his respect, there was something about his body language that was wound tightly.  His eyes bowed for only a moment and then they met his father’s evenly, this intense exchange happening wordlessly between the two alphas. Jackson found himself holding his breath as the two stared each other down, even as Jaebum offered his hand, which his father took in a tense handshake that never broke their staring contest. It was an odd thing to see, especially since the two had never showed any sort of animosity towards one another in their past meetings, and while Jackson wouldn’t exactly describe what he was seeing as animosity, it was definitely different enough from past exchanges that it unsettled and worried the omega.

It was Jackson’s mother who broke the exchange, lightly tugging on his father’s sleeve and causing both alphas to look at the one whom had interrupted them.  She gave an awkward smile and, almost by instinct, all three of their gazes were turning towards Jackson, who hurried looked away because he didn’t want them to know that he had watched the weird exchange.  The managers were trying to shuffle them all into different cars, trying to get them moving since a crowd of people was already there and taking photos. Jackson tried to pay attention to what they were saying, desperately trying to fight the urge to look back and see what the three of them were doing.

Jackson’s mother came up then and hooked arms with him, leading in towards his parents’ small car.  The managers were asking if they could take one more member with them and Jackson’s gaze automatically started to wander, trying to find Jaebum. He found Jaebum hooking arms with Jr. and leading him to the farthest car from Jackson’s parents’, one of the managers grabbing the passenger seat while JJ Project shuffled into the backseat. Mark approached Jackson then, following him as his mother towed him towards the car.  The remaining members joined another manager, the road manager that they always had with them when they traveled, in the small van parked just behind his parents’ car.  Any other additional staff squeezed into another available seat in the vans and one more additional van that had rented.

They decided to take it easy today, seeing as most of them were still tired from arriving so late.  They spent a few hours shopping at a busy marketplace, trying different foods, looking at all the different items there, and generally making a fuss and having fun.  It was still pretty early at that point, so the market wasn’t so crowded but as the day started to progress more and more people started to come.  By this time everyone was getting hungry so that got off the streets, where they were getting recognized more and more, and went to a restaurant.

The restaurant was this little hole in the wall and their large group pretty much took most of the tables, though the kind woman who owned the place didn’t seem mind, smiling ear to ear and bouncing from table to table to take care of them all after the members had posed together with her for a photo which she had sent her son out to develop as soon as they were done taking it.  Jackson found himself at the little corner table, sandwiched between the wall and his mother with Mark and his father on the other side of them. Jaebum, he couldn’t help but notice, was two tables over with Jr. and the managers, all of them talking quietly in comparison to the three youngest at the very next table between them, laughing and having the grandest old time whilst they ate.

With full bellies, their energies levels started to deplete, the decision was made to retire back to Jackson’s parent’s house while the managers and staff went back to the hotel.  The rest of the day was spent in leisure, playing card games, video games, and then finally all settling down in the living room for a movie. The coffee table was pushed out of the way, blankets laid down and soon bodies were all sprawled out every which way. Jackson found himself jammed almost too tightly on the couch with his mother, BamBam, and Mark, his father in the armchair, and the other members sprawled out of the floor.

The movie itself, however, couldn’t keep Jackson’s attention no matter how much he tried.  He found himself all too aware that he was smashed between two alphas while the one who occupied his thoughts was a few feet away from him, reclined at the base of the couch.  Jaebum didn’t seem too captivated by the movie either, more like exhausted and drifting to sleep every once in a while before he jolted himself awake.  Jackson kept watching him, seeing his head drift off to once side before it lifted again as JB woke up.  It was almost entertaining to watch, but Jackson couldn’t find more amusement as his mind was still troubled by the unusual exchange between his leader and his parents.  He kept rolling it over and over in his head, trying to understand and find a reason for it, leaving him more and more unsettled and in need of comfort somehow.

About halfway through the movie Jackson couldn’t take it anymore, feeling too crowded on the couch and too unsettled by his whirling thoughts.  He shuffled off the couch, peeling himself away from BamBam, who stared at him questioningly, and tried not to step on anyone as he clamored to get next to Jaebum. The omega wasted no time, linking his arm with the one JB had resting limply on his stomach and settling his head on the alpha’s shoulder.  The alpha must have been dosing when Jackson cuddled up with him because he breathed in deeply, blinking his eyes as if to clear the sleep out of it and turned his head slightly to look at Jackson.

“Hey,” he whispered in a hoarse voice, probably a notch too loud when other people were watching a movie.

“Go back to sleep,” Jackson whispered back, his hand drifting closer to Jaebum’s.  He stopped just shy of actually grabbing the alpha’s hand, feeling a weird sense of hesitance he normally didn’t feel.  But Jaebum didn’t seem to feel the same hesitance, easily fitting Jackson’s hand in his own, even going as far as to intertwine their fingers together as if without a thought.

“I wasn’t sleeping,” the alpha whispered back, his voice much quieter now so that Jackson was sure that only he could hear.

Jackson couldn’t help but laugh a little, tucking his head more into Jaebum’s shoulder to stifle the laugh. Not trusting his voice he only hummed in response, but his tone alone was enough to tell Jaebum that the omega didn’t believe a word he said.

“Just watch the movie,” Jaebum muttered, leaning his head slightly against Jackson’s, the two of them settling in closer to one another to get comfortable.

Jackson breathed a sigh of relief, feeling better somehow even if the mystery behind the odd interaction was still unsolved. Dimly he could feel the weight of someone stares on his back and a feeling in the pit of his stomach that it was one or both of his parents.  His back was to them, however, and with how intertwined he was with Jaebum, he would bother the alpha if he even moved to look behind him.  Plus, he was just too comfortable to even consider moving, even if he suspected his parents were scrutinizing him.  Instead he shifted ever so slightly, allowing him to look up at Jaebum’s handsome face.

It was abundantly clear that Jaebum was a handsome man, even if Mark was often considered the best looking one. But Jaebum definitely rivaled Mark; Jackson acknowledged this from the very beginning and as Jaebum grew and matured it became more and more true as he lost that softness of youth and became a man.  It was almost as if he got more and more handsome with each day.  Even now, with no makeup on his face, his long hair unstyled and hanging into his eyes, Jackson was somewhat awed by just how handsome he was. Jackson just found himself staring up at him, at his clear skin, the thin lashes lining his strong monolid eyes, and those two little attractive moles above his eye.  He just stared, taking note of his strong high cheekbones, his straight nose, trying to memorize all these little features now that he was so close to them.

“Stop watching me, watch the movie,” Jaebum suddenly muttered, shaking their linked hands for a moment but never once looking away from the TV.

Jackson moved, looking away and focusing on the TV. “I am watching the movie,” he muttered like a petulant child.  Jaebum only squeezed his hand in response as they both settled down for the movie.

It didn’t last long, and he couldn’t tell anyone if he tried just who fell asleep first, but all he knew was that he woke up sometime in the night still curled up with the pack alpha.  The other members were all curled up around them as well, spread out all over in the dark living room.  Jackson released Jaebum’s hand, getting settled in a new position but accidently stirring the alpha in the process.

“What time is it?” he questioned into the dark, allowing Jackson manipulate his body as he wished.  Jackson pulled Jaebum’s arm, settling in the little nook under his arm and placing his head over the alpha’s heart, listening to the comforting rhythmic beating.

“Late?” Jackson answered in a single breath, deeply breathing in the distinct scent of the alpha.  If Jaebum became more and more handsome with each day, his scent became better too.  Jackson almost never wanted to let go, wanting to breathe in the alpha’s enticing scent forever.

Jaebum stretched and rolled over slightly to wrap both of his arms around the omega, still half asleep by the looks of it, but Jackson wasn’t complaining.  Warmth engulfed him and he snuggled more deeply into JB’s chest.  Youngjae had joked on a few occasions that Jaebum did get cuddly with him in the middle of the night occasionally and now Jackson couldn’t help but sigh contently as he was the one their alpha cuddled with. If he had known that it would be such a pleasant feeling he probably would have snuck into Jaebum’s and Youngjae’s room more often.

“Was the movie good?” Jaebum asked after a moment, his voice husky from sleep.

Jackson laughed.  “It was fine,” he said, though he honestly couldn’t remember most of it.

 


	2. The Festival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which their leader's stubbornness results in running himself into the ground and Jackson is helpless to stop it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this took a lot more effort than I thought it would. This chapter is sort of a monster, I couldn't find a good way to break it up so you get the whole thing. Editing is not perfect, it took a while and several sittings to get it done so details might have been missed.
> 
> I would also like to note that I used the name Seunghoon as one of their managers. I don't know if this is actually accurate, but please go along with it for the sake of the story.

Jackson found himself in an extremely wonderful mood the next morning, practically on cloud nine.  He was home, where he could hug and kiss his parents whenever he wanted and had a tiny break from hectic schedules where he could do whatever he wanted.  Plus, waking up in Jaebum’s arms might have something to do with it too, but he will never admit it even to himself.  Jaebum was just their pack alpha, of course, so he really didn’t have any reason to be so excited, he kept telling himself.  Still, he couldn’t deny that it was the best sleep he had gotten in ages, even considering how both Jaebum and Jackson were practically hanging off the edges of the bedding, which was only meant to comfortably fit one person.  He didn’t even mind so much how Yugyeom’s foot kept finding his back a few times during the night.

The plan for the day was a bit more diverse, pretty much doing whatever anyone wanted.  Jackson took the time to spend time with his parents.  Yugyeom and Youngjae camped themselves in front of a TV with game controllers in the hands while Mark, BamBam, and Jr. went out with cameras to see the sights.  Jaebum, as it turned out, returned to the hotel to talk with the managers, still trying to negotiate the schedules. 

The evening, however, they all reconvened together at a rented dance studio for work.  They had pretty decent time slot at the festival in a couple days. The set of songs they had included the songs they usually promoted and then a few that they usually only performed at their own concerts.  These songs were less practiced than others and the managers were sure to set up a time and a place where they could run through the entire set list. Jackson couldn’t really find it in him to care all that much, in too much of a good mood to care that even while on “vacation” they were working.  It was only a couple of hours that night. 

The next day, however, they were stuck in the practice studio, doing a more intensive run through of the songs, for the better part of the morning until they had to go to the venue and do a rehearsal, and then back to the studio at the end of the night for another round of practice. Tempers were shorter this day, the pressure to get everything perfect for the festival the next day hanging over them. It also didn’t help that it was all business that day, no free time to play around, and the weather outside was beautiful, one of the last few good days of fall before the weather would turn. Their little mini “vacation” was much too short, and after working in a stuffy dance studio or on stage all day all the exhaustion they felt from their crammed schedules reared its ugly head again.  Jaebum, in particular, who had been working on schedules yesterday instead of relaxing like the other members, and thus had gotten less down time, seemed spent.

The alpha was currently slumped against a mirrored wall, chugging down a bottle of water while they had a moments rest. He was sweating more heavily compared to the other members, his body moving more sluggishly.  He closed his eyes slowly and breathed deeply, letting his control slip for just a moment and letting his exhaustion shine through. Everyone was tired; they had been working for hours and the day was gone.  But Jaebum seemed excessively tired, and Jackson wasn’t the only one to notice it.

Mark stood from his slumped position on the floor and walked slowly over to their leader.  Wordlessly he pushed sweaty bangs out of the leader’s face and pressed his hand to his forehead.  Jaebum seemed to jolt, surprised by the touch, but with his head already pressed against the mirror he had no room to escape the invading touch.  Instead he just stared up at his second alpha in question.

“You’re a bit warm, maybe we should call it for tonight,” he suggested quietly, but the practice room was utterly silent besides the calming panting breathes of the members.  At even the slightest suggestion that their pack leader was sick all the members stood riveted, waiting on bated breathes to see how this turned out.

“I’m fine,” Jaebum was quick to assure but the assurance fell flat, even as he pushed Mark’s hand away.

But Mark wasn’t about to let it go, not this time. Mark often let things slide, let Jaebum get away with things he didn’t want to confront or talk about because Mark hated confrontation too.  He knew when to back down with Jaebum, let their pack leader have his way and trust him to do what was right.  For the most part, Jaebum did a god job and Mark honestly didn’t have to worry about Jaebum leading them in the wrong direction.  The thing that he did have to watch out for was Jaebum running himself into the ground, putting the group’s needs before his own.  Mark always noticed, of course, but he let it slide, backing down from the confrontation both knew was about to happen in favor of a few more moments of peace and out of respect for Jaebum, whom he hoped was conscious enough of his own limits to pull back when needed.  But this time, even if Jaebum himself didn’t think he had reached his limit, Mark wasn’t going to risk it, not when Jaebum’s health was in question.

“You’re no good to us if you are sick. We are as good as we are going to get, no use exhausting ourselves.  Best we rest up so we can be ready for tomorrow,” he said simply, but firmly.

The two alphas held a staring contest for a moment, communicating wordlessly in a way that Jackson never quite understood. The two had been together for so long and were close enough now that they could communicate with a single look, express more with one another in a few moments than most could in hours. It was why their team worked so well, to have such a strong leader and a second alpha who supported him in just the right ways.  Now the silent communication lasted for a few moments longer before JB turned away to look over the members.  He studied them quickly, taking in their tired forms and how each one stared back at him determinedly. Finally he nodded, reaching his hand up towards Mark so that the second alpha could pull him up from the ground.

“Let’s go back to the hotel,” he said as soon as he was on his feet, casually tossing an arm over Mark’s shoulder for a moment while everyone moved to gather their things. 

A manager was waiting downstairs with the van to take them back to the hotel, Jaebum quickly snagging the passenger seat and practically collapsing in an exhausted heap into it.  This didn’t go unnoticed by any of the members. Youngjae practically scrambled out of the van when they arrived at the hotel so that he could offer JB a hand when he was getting out of the car, took his bag for him despite the alpha’s protests, and practically clung to their leader the entire way up to their rooms.

It took everything in Jackson not to push himself between them and cling to Jaebum instead, a fact that surprised him. He was never like this before, not really, getting overly worked up about the other members having any sort of skinship with their leader.  Sure, Jackson liked to play up his clinginess for cameras and act jealous at times when others got attention, but it was mostly all for show.  Lately, however, he really did feel a sort of unpleasant stirring of jealousy when he watched Jaebum and other people, something Jackson didn’t want to overthink because he was scared of what his instinctual nature was telling him.  Best ignore it, pretend it wasn’t a thing, and maybe it will go away.

Morning came much too quickly and the members slept in as long as they could before they were roused for their schedules. It was going to be a packed day, including a final stage rehearsal, interviews and official photo-shoots for the better part of the day and then the actual concert.  The members dragged themselves out of bed, jammed some food into their mouths, dressed simply and then were being hustled into the cars. The stadium that the concert was being held in was a flurry of activity as they arrived.  Fans were already milling about outside the venue, hours before the concert even started, stage crews and staff moving around in many last minute preparations, many different artists arriving and being mic’d up, running through the set list, or just milling around.

Jackson lazily watched another group halfheartedly run through their song from his place backstage, waiting for their turn next. He hadn’t slept well the night before and he was still half-asleep at this point, just going through the motions. The other members seemed to be in the same boat as him; Youngjae was nearly dozing on Yugyeom’s shoulder despite the fact that they were standing, Junior helping Mark fix his clothes around his mic while BamBam crouched on the ground staring mindlessly at a piece of bright orange stage tape. 

Jaebum stood a little bit away from them with a sound member helping him put on his mic, looking more haggard than he did yesterday. Jackson found himself watching his leader, noting how pale his face seemed to be and how dark the circles under his eyes looked in comparison.  His posture was slouched, like he was just too tired to hold himself correctly, and he seemed to be struggling with everything, including the mic that the sound person was attempting to put on since he obviously seemed incapable of doing it himself.

Jaebum bowed his thanks when he was properly mic’d up and stepped back towards the group as Jackson stepped away to meet him. Wordlessly he intercepted the leader, pressing his hand to his forehand to test the temperature and was surprised to feel just how hot the alpha’s skin was.  Jackson gasped, feeling panic and concern barrel into him with the force of a sledgehammer.  Jaebum, however, didn’t even give him a chance to voice his concern and instead bat his hand away as gently as he could.

“I’m fine,” he assured, looking over his shoulder as the other group exited the stage, the chorus of tired greetings echoing over the activity around them.

“Hyung,” Jackson protested, ignoring the greetings of the other group as they made their way past them.  Distantly he heard the staff around them attempting to wrangle in their group and hustle them onstage, and their manager hassling them to smile. There was a camera crew wandering around backstage documenting the behind the scene activity, which they planned to release with the concert DVD, featuring all the groups involved in the concert. They would have to be on their best behavior at all times, more so than usual, because they never knew when the camera was going to be on them and despite how tired they may be they couldn’t show it.

Jaebum nodded as a stage crewmember gestured wildly at them, rushing them to get on stage.  He gently grabbed Jackson’s arm, towing him on stage where the other members already stood in position, waiting on a lift.  “Come on, don’t worry about it now.  Let’s just get through this,” Jaebum muttered to the omega before pushing him into place beside Jr. on the lift.

Jackson grabbed JB’s sleeve before he could move away, a protest already forming on his lips but was quickly shut down. “Jackson,” Jaebum practically scolded, using a very alpha tone and Jackson immediately wilted. It wasn’t a tone that Jaebum liked to use with the members, especially Jackson since he was particularly sensitive to such tones as an omega.  The other members stared in wonder while Jaebum wordlessly moved to the little marker on the ground that marked his position and Jackson tried not to look too shamed as he stared at the ground, trying to keep his face carefully blank as worry, frustration, hurt, and so many other things welled up at once.

The music started and Jackson tried to pull himself together enough to just get through the rehearsal.  He was just going though the motions once more, distractedly running through the first few songs while he kept an eye on JB at all times. If it was obvious that he wasn’t feeling well before the rehearsal started, it was even more apparent as he tried to move around the stage.  His movements were getting more and more sluggish, a layer of sweat forming over his skin, and his voice unsteady every time one of his parts came up. Soon Jackson wasn’t the only one to notice their sick leader, Mark even trying to wordlessly communicate with the pack leader while BamBam rapped his part but Jaebum brushed him off, not wanting to talk about his apparent condition.

They should stop him, Jackson knew, but he was helpless against the stubbornness of the alpha.  Dread was already building in the omega’s gut, a feeling that something bad was going to happen and it suddenly became blindingly clear exactly when as the music broke down and the other members continued their dance while Mark, Jaebum, and Jackson branched off to a special flip. They had done the move thousands of times, practiced it until they were completely comfortable with it, enough to go on stage and do it.  But as Jackson bent forward, acting as the springboard for Mark, and Jaebum swung his body into a handstand, Jackson realized their mistake.

Jaebum, already exhausted by months of heavy schedules for promotions and coupled with weakness from the fever, tried to maintain a steady handstand but was unable to.  His arms shook badly, his body already starting to sag as Mark ran and jumped up to plant his foot on Jackson’s back.  Jackson helpless watched as Jaebum’s arms gave out just as Mark propelled himself off of his back.  Jaebum’s legs, which are usually parted in a V for Mark to go through, clipped the second alpha as the pack leader fell, striking him across his cheek and causing him to fall as well.  The only place for him to fall, however, was directly on top of Jaebum, pushing the leader into the ground harder. 

Within moments everyone was rushing towards the fallen alphas as Mark practically threw himself off of JB. Jaebum lay prone for a moment, his face scrunched up in pain before he opened his eyes and immediately looked to Mark.  Jackson himself tried to throw himself towards them, or really towards Jaebum, but found he couldn’t as Junior’s restraining arms wrapped themselves around him with lighting speed. If he was thinking clearly, it would make sense that Junior didn’t want the omega to throw himself on top of Jaebum if he was hurt.  But Jackson wasn’t thinking clearly at the moment, his instincts screaming all too loudly at him, and he fought against the hold.

“Jaebum,” Mark said the same moment that Jaebum spoke an “Are you okay?”, both oblivious to Jackson’s struggle.

“Don’t worry about me. Are you okay?” Mark said, his hands hovering over Jaebum but afraid to touch him.  Even Jackson could see that Mark was going to walk away from this with minimal damage.  He hadn’t taken the blunt of the fall like their leader had and he got up right away, his focus solely on JB.  A part of Jackson noted Mark’s state and normally he would be comforted by the fact that at least he wasn’t hurt but right now all Jackson could really focus on was Jaebum who was still laying still on the stage, his injuries unknown. His instincts were screaming at him to crawl into the alpha, be by his side at this time, but Jinyoung’s restraining hold was preventing him from doing this and it was maddening to the omega.

Stage crews and the managers were rushing in now, pushing past the members and crouching next to where Jaebum still lay. Distantly Jackson heard the music stop and he could barely make out the scared faces of a rookie group standing just off stage, their eyes wide and mouths agape, and the camera guy hired to document the festival with his camera trained unwaveringly on them. Jackson, however, couldn’t focus on any of this, still trying to free himself from Junior’s hold, but Yugyeom had noticed the struggle and had joined Junior just as Jackson was about to free himself.  Jackson let out a roar of frustration.

“Are you okay?  Are you hurt?” one of their managers was asking, but Jaebum wasn’t paying attention to them, looking directly at Jackson now, no doubt in response to Jackson’s roar.

Realizing he had the pack leader’s attention, Jackson tried to plead with Jaebum to get them to let him go but in his frazzled state words failed him and he could only whimper in a very omega fashion, hoping the alpha would understand.  Jackson didn’t like to give into his omega instincts, preferred to give off his usual silly or manly vibes but there were always moments when he slipped and the omega in him shined through.  At times it was funny, a fact he played up during variety shows when he acted all tough and then let his bravado slip very quickly, giving into his instincts. But he was always in control then, able to rein it in when needed and only give the impact he was looking for. Now, however, his instincts were running the show and he was just along for the ride.

Jaebum must have seen this because it seemed to spur him into action.  He was suddenly moving, a grimace on his face as he forced himself into a sitting position despite everyone around him trying to get him to just sit still. “I’m fine,” he said almost by habit, the grimace of pain still on face and convincing no one.

“Do you hurt anywhere?” their manager asked, using his own alpha voice with Jaebum to let him know he was serious. This was the manager who was with them all the time, Seunghoon-hyung, who living right by their dorm so he could be their in a moment’s notice, the one who acted as sort of a mentor to them, who managed all their schedules, and whom they were all really close with since he had been with them since the beginning.  And he was asking now, not only as their manager, but also as a person who genuinely cared about Jaebum’s wellbeing.

Jaebum paused for only a moment, glancing at Mark who was kneeling next to him and giving him a very serious look, before looking back at their manager and then he actually took a moment to assess himself. He did a once over of his body, seeing no obvious signs of injury like Mark, who’s right cheek was already starting to bruise and swell.  He rolled his shoulders next, first the right and taking a moment to check if his arm was okay, and then his left.  He stopped suddenly though; clenching his jaw as he tried to roll his left shoulder and found it difficult.  Instead he slowly tucked the arm against his stomach, trying not to move it much more. He remembered then that his shoulder took the blow, ramming into the stage with added force when Mark fell on him.

Everyone watching could see the signs of injury there, spurring them into action.  After taking a moment to make sure he was okay to walk, the managers pulled him up and escorted him backstage.  They tried to make Mark go as well but he shook them off and gestured to Jackson, before stepping up and forced the omega to look at him by cradling his head firmly in his grasp.

“Hey, listen,” he started; pausing and waiting until he was sure he had Jackson’s undivided attention, “you have to calm down or we are not even going to let you near him.  You can’t get overexcited and jump all over him; it’s only going to hurt him more.  It’s probably nothing serious and you need to calm down.  Get it together,” he told the omega, his voice deep, serious, and laced with alpha intent. Mark didn’t spare words so Jackson was very careful to take the words to heart.

Jackson closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to smother down all his instincts that were still screaming at him and get control of himself.  This wasn’t him. When members got hurt-and they did since they often did the marital arts tricking and learning it was a process of practice through trial and error-he didn’t lose himself.  He was one of the oldest in the group and he always tried to be strong for the younger ones.  He tried to be a pillar of strength, be helpful in that sort of situation, and not fall apart like he was now.  Now, as he took a moment to look around, Yugyeom and Junior were hovering around him, uneasy expression on their faces as they waited for his next move. BamBam and Youngjae were slowly following the managers as they escorted Jaebum away with hollow expressions of fear and worry, seeming lost and in shock more than anything, their youth and inexperience shining through.  They were already so scared; Jackson didn’t need to make the situation worse.

Sinking down into a crouch, Jackson tucked his head down between his knees, trying to make himself as small as possible. He breathed slowly, trying to force the voices in his head to quiet.  His worry for Jaebum was intense, to the point that he sort of found it hard to breathe, but he just had to tell himself that the alpha was going to be okay. He had to tell himself that breaking down will do nothing.  He had to be strong for Jaebum and the younger members.  He had to prove to Jaebum that he could handle this and be there for him. He just kept repeating these things to himself until the voices calmed, his control back in his hands; a level of coolness was achieved as his breathing came easier.

He stood slowly, taking a deep breath and nodding to Mark.  “Okay, I’m in control,” he promised and Mark only responded by wordlessly quirking his head to the side as if to ask if he was sure.  Jackson nodded with resolution. 

Mark seemed to accept this but still linked arms with him as the remaining four moved to rejoin the rest to check on JB. Junior and Yugyeom still hovered a half a step behind him, a fact that plagued the omega with guilt. With Yugyeom especially, as the youngest of the group, it killed Jackson that he had to step up and control the situation when it should have been Jackson doing so.  Jackson tried to put on his strongest face now, ignoring the rookies who still stared at them in concern as they passed and the cameraman who followed behind them.

Jackson’s heart was pounding when he entered their waiting room but he tried not to let it show.  BamBam was hovering by the door when they entered, looking helplessly at Mark as if asking what he should be doing at the moment. He was still so young; no doubt his alpha instincts going into overdrive by the stress but his inexperience and youth left him floundering as he didn’t quite know what to do with the sudden influx.  Mark gave him a comforting smirk as he passed, BamBam seeming relieved just by the sight of the second alpha. Youngjae too, from his position across the room where he was slumped in a chair, seemed to take comfort in Mark’s presence.

The center of the room was a flurry of activity, multiple people crowded around Jaebum seated on the couch, stretched out over the length of the leather cushions.  The managers were asking Jaebum a bunch of questions, pressing hands to his forehead, checking over his legs to double check he wasn’t hurt there, doing their best not to move his arm.  Jaebum looked uncomfortable by all the attention but was keeping his mouth closed for the most part, only speaking to answer questions in a quiet voice. He seemed exhausted by it all, his face arranged in a slight grimace as he leaned his head back against the couch cushion and closed his eyes, attempting to shut out the world.

“We’re waiting for the on-site medic,” BamBam muttered quietly from beside them, mostly to Mark but all four of the latecomers seemed to appreciate the update.

“You think it’s bad?” Yugyeom muttered quietly, his voice barely above a whisper.  He and Jinyoung were still hovering by the door, bodily blocking the camera guy from entering the room.  It was unnerving, in a way, for a camera to be shoved in their faces at a time like this but Jackson couldn’t bring himself to worry to much, simply on edge, as he stared into the chaos of their waiting room.

“Everything will be fine,” Mark was quick to assure, looking over his shoulder to make eye contact with the maknae. “Jaebum’s tough.”

Jackson looked away from the two after seeing Yugyeom offer a small nod, nearly jolting in shock to see Jaebum now staring back at all of them, peering around the people crowded around him to stare at them. No doubt he had heard Mark’s voice and had glanced over to check in with his second alpha.  But now Jackson found himself to be the focus of Jaebum’s stare. The stare was intense but carefully blank, leaving Jackson reeling and trying to figure out just exactly he was supposed to do with such a stare focused on him.  It felt natural and strange all at the same time and Jackson couldn’t even think about just what expression was on his own face.

Without realizing exactly what was happening, Jackson was moving and escaping Mark’s grasp while he was distracted by the maknae. The second alpha let out a noise of protest when he realized what was happening, turning quickly and trying to grab at Jackson once more but the omega was just a step out of reach. Jackson made quick work of crossing the cramped room, surprised to see Jaebum reaching out to him with his good arm. He didn’t let himself second-guess anything, letting his instinct guide him as he reached Jaebum and ignoring how just his close proximity seemed to quell some of the turmoil in his gut.

Jackson had to remind himself to be calm and gentle when he finally reached Jaebum, crouching down on the other side of the couch and resting his head just over Jaebum’s good shoulder. Jaebum’s outstretched hand intertwined with Jackson’s, held at a somewhat awkward angle since Jackson was nearly directly behind him but he seemed unwilling to let Jackson’s hand go. Instead he gave the omega’s hand a squeeze, as if to comfort him like he was the injured one and not the other way around.

“I’m fine,” the alpha whispered after a moment while one of the managers tried to step around Jackson.

“Maybe you should back up, the medic is almost here,” their second manager said to Jackson before the omega could respond to Jaebum.

Jackson simply glanced up at the manager, warring within himself in how to respond.  On the one hand it made sense not to hover and be a nuisance. He could be doing so much better things, like tending to the maknaes, easing the burden now placed on Mark’s shoulder the best he could in the absence of their leader, anything more productive than hanging off the injured pack leader.  The other part of him wanted nothing more than to crawl into Jaebum the best he could and refuse to leave his side.  Something tugged deeply at him, urging him to wrap the alpha in his arms and protect him from the world.  Something screamed at him to hold on tighter, to be there for him in his time of need.

“He’s good there,” Jaebum was quick to assure the manager, squeezing their clasped hands tighter.  The manager paused, looking between the two of them in confusion for a moment with this strange hint of something like concern. Somehow it reminded Jackson of that look his parents keep giving him, unnerving him like they suspected something that he didn’t know about.  Jackson watched as their second manager turned and exchanged an odd look with their main manager Seunghoon, as if asking something Jackson really didn’t want to think about.

Luckily Yugyeom’s voice pierced through the room with news they had all been waiting for, distracting both managers from whatever odd exchange they were having.  “The medic is here!” Yugyeom called from near the door, stepping out of the way as a stern looking woman stepped into the room. 

One look at her and Jackson knew she was an alpha, the same commanding presence all alphas tended to have even if they weren’t the one in charge, like Mark.  Seunghoon rushed up to meet her and guide her to Jaebum, but her eyes were already zeroed in on the majorly injured person in the room, simply glancing at Mark as if to take stock of his injuries before deciding Jaebum’s injuries were more pressing. She marched over quickly, only glancing once at Jackson as she stepped around him and then settled herself on the other side of the couch where she had better access to Jaebum. She dumped the first aid kit she had been carrying over her shoulder onto the floor, sitting on the edge of the coffee table and quickly getting to work.

“I heard you had a nasty fall,” she muttered, unzipping her the first aid kit and pulling out a pair of non-latex gloves.

“I’m used to it,” Jaebum only replied calmly. They’ve all had a few falls, more than they could count.  Now they were careful, but there was only so much one can do and accidents do happen, especially when your just learning or you haven’t practiced in awhile.

“I don’t doubt it,” the medic replied, snapping the latex against her wrist in a manner that Jackson supposed was more habit than actual means of intimidation but it didn’t stop Jackson’s stomach from turning nervously.  “I’ve seen your performances and all the flips you guys do.  I’m honestly surprised that this is the first major incident you’ve had on stage since your debut.  Now, tell me, where do you hurt?”

Jaebum hesitated for a moment and Jackson quickly spoke up.  He leaned forward more heavily into the couch, making eye contact with the alpha medic. “He fell on his left shoulder and he seems to be having trouble moving it.  Plus, he’s sick, running a fever,” he said quickly, ignoring how Jaebum turned his head to look at him and how close they were now.  He kept his focus on the medic, who raised a brow at him, and ignored Jaebum’s breath fanning out over his face.

She stared at him seriously for a moment, looking back and forth between the two of them for a long moment before she nodded. She quickly dug out a thermometer and placed it under Jaebum’s tongue before she started to examine his arm. She glanced up quickly at Jackson as she started gently feeling up the leader’s arm.  Jackson tried to keep his focus, ignoring the voice in his head that warred with him still, now strangely hating the fact that she was touching the leader at all.  The medic raised a brow again, as if she knew just exactly what he was thinking.

She glanced back to Jaebum quickly before she refocused.  “Your omega?” she questioned.

Jaebum jolted slightly, staring at her strangely and even dropping the thermometer from his mouth.  Jackson looked between the two of them in question, not understanding why Jaebum had such a reaction to the question.  “He’s our omega, the pack omega.”

She eased off, no longer touching Jaebum as she continued to eye them strangely.  “So you two aren’t mated?” she asked and it was only then that Jackson understood what she had meant.

Jackson blushed at the implication that they were mated, together in the deepest way possible.  Mating was serious, the most intimate act of commitment and trust between two people.  Marriage was on the surface, something people did, mostly with betas or for show after they have mated since actually mating was a private affair. Mating went deeper than marriage, changing the very core of the person to combine two souls into one. It was instinctual, the inner dynamic within everyone finding that one person they were meant to be with. With betas, the instincts are muted compared to that of alphas and omegas, but instinct guides them to finding that person, sometimes in a rush or gradually.  Every mating is different.

Sure, Jackson thought about mating, everyone does. They are taught about it at a young age, taught about the beauty of it and the natural process and commitment that it is.  It’s romanticized often and Jackson was a romantic at heart.  He thought about it a lot when he was younger, wondering if it would happen to him (because it didn’t happen to everyone.  Some people went their entire lives without finding their mate, getting married and living happily without that deeper connection), and who his mate would be. When he started fencing that changed his focus and then becoming an idol put the possibility for mating on the backburner even more.  He still thought about it occasionally, especially when a nosy reporter or MC started asking about whether or not he would settle down and mate someday, have kids and live happily ever after, but he never even considered it now.

Jackson wasn’t ready yet, still wanting to focus on his career before he even thought about mating.  GOT7 weren’t rookies anymore.  They had a couple years experience now, a good fanbase, their popularity soaring with each month, a small collection of awards under their belt. They were in a good place, but they weren’t done yet.  They still had a lot to do, things to achieve and goals to reach.  They still had so much potential and Jackson wasn’t even thinking about settling down yet.  Relationships when you’re an idol were hard and mating would mean that their mate would come first before the group.  Jackson wasn’t ready for someone to come between him and the group when they still had so much to do.  So relationships and mating had been put on the backburner, not even a thought.

But the idea of mating with Jaebum . . . that was an interesting thought.  It would be different to mate with Jaebum, someone in the group who can understand him perfectly and would be less likely to face the problem of coming between him and the group.  The thought made his heart pound, his gut turning nervously with butterflies. Something about even the thought of that made him want to squeal, maybe in excitement or even just disbelief. A strange feeling bubbled in his chest and he quickly smothered it down, trying to keep focused on the situation.

“Uh, no, we aren’t mated,” Jaebum, seeming to recover more quickly from his shock than Jackson did, muttered at last.

The medic raised a brow and eyed Jackson. She hummed after a moment, her interest in the omega sparking a protective instinct in the pack leader. He leaned forward ever so slightly, glaring at the medic to make her back off.

“He’s not available for mating,” he said fiercely, his voice dripping with protective alpha intent and the intensity even more powerful as his true alpha nature started to show through.

The medic quickly leaned away, raising her hands in defense after feeling the thinly veiled threat of a true alpha. “I wasn’t even considering it.” She carefully picked up the thermometer, gave it a quick sanitizing wipe, and then carefully moved back towards Jaebum’s mouth.  “I’m going to continue to examine you and I would appreciate it if you cooperate with me.”

The two stood at a standstill for a long moment before Jaebum opened his mouth, allowing her to replace the thermometer under his tongue.  As soon as she got the silent go ahead she was right back to business.  Telling him to be still, she slowly eased his shirt collar away from his neck, examining him.  She hummed in thought, sounding almost affirmative as if whatever she found confirmed her thoughts.  One of the managers stepped closer and hissed at the sight, grimacing in empathetic pain.

Curious, Jackson stood up against his better judgment and took a glance at the injury.  Hidden underneath his shirt the skin must have bruised almost immediately, much like Mark’s face had.  The bruise was very ugly looking, rich dark color and spanning over his entire shoulder. There was a slight bump on his collarbone, ugly and protruding under the skin though Jackson couldn’t tell if it was just from the swelling or if it was bone.  It was an unexpected sight, seeing how calm Jaebum was, as if he wasn’t in pain at all when the injury looked very painful.

“Just what I thought, it looks like you have yourself a broken collarbone, I’m sorry to say.  Looks like you’re done for the day,” the medic said, digging in her bag again.

“I have a full schedule today,” Jaebum muttered around the thermometer in his mouth, ignoring the look the medic gave him.

“And now you don’t,” she said, pushing the thermometer more firmly into his mouth, making sure it hadn’t come un-lodged from under his tongue.  It would only need a few more moments before it was done measuring the true alpha’s temperature and they didn’t want a false measurement just because the leader couldn’t stop himself from talking.  “You have to go to the hospital.  That’s the only thing on your schedule now.”

Jaebum glanced blankly at the managers while Jackson crouched down again, burying his head in the alpha’s good shoulder.   The thermometer beeped and the medic quickly plucked it out of Jaebum’s mouth.  She tsked after a single glance.  “A hundred and two degrees, a high fever. It’s not dangerous, not yet, but I would still strongly urge you to bring it down.  The hospital will be able to help with that.”

Jaebum gave her an unimpressed look. “I don’t want to go to the hospital.”

Jackson’s head snapped up from where it was buried in JB’s neck and he leaned forward so that he could peer at JB’s face. “Don’t be stupid,” he said even before the medic could speak.

The medic seemed to agree, though, nodding and gesturing towards Jackson.  “Listen to your omega. You need medical attention.  Now I can give you some first aid, put you in a temporary sling so you don’t damage anything by trying to move your arm, slap an ice pack on you, but that’s about all I can do.  What you need is to get X-rayed and be checked out to be sure it’s just the bone that was damaged and not tissue or nerves and see just how serious the break is. And I’m sorry to say that I don’t possess X-ray vision so you are just going to have to go to the hospital where they do have the technology to check you out.”

She sat up straighter and placed her hands on her hips, a fiery expression on her face.  “Now I’m sure you have a very busy schedule today, everyone does. But you managed to somehow fit breaking your clavicle into your schedule, which I’m pretty damn sure wasn’t part of the original plans for the day.  You adjust, just like you are just going to have to fit a hospital visit into your day.  That’s all there is to it. Now are you going to shut up and cooperate with me while I put you in a sling or are you going to continue to give me problems?”

Jaebum was silent for a moment and Jackson just knew that he was fighting everything in himself not to protest. Jackson saddled up closer to JB as much as he could, tucking his head back into his neck and ignoring how his heart beat wildly still after hearing her say “your omega”, her tone saying _Jaebum’s_ _omega_ more than the _pack’s omega_ , but he was ignoring it for the time being. He nuzzled him ever so slightly, hoping the alpha will just back down and let someone else take the reins for once. He felt Jaebum tilt his head back ever so slightly, leaning into his touch before the alpha let out a deep sigh.

“Do you think there will be time for another rehearsal, because now you guys are going to have to work out the routines without me?” he said softly, pointing his question towards the managers.

The tension in the room lessened then, not completely gone but manageable now that everyone knew that Jaebum was going to the hospital.  The managers were moving now, one promising to go talk to the staff now-probably knowing Jaebum wouldn’t leave until he knew there was at least some sort of plan in place. The other was already making tentative plans, discussing with Jaebum how one manager will stay here and hold down the fort while the other comes with him to the hospital.

The medic was moving too now, seeing that Jaebum was cooperating.  She pulled out a large triangle-shaped bandage, carefully easing it under the lame arm folded across his chest.  Jackson was forced to back up so that the medic could wrap the bandage around and tie it at his neck, on his good side and using the bandage to cup and hold his arm in place. Jaebum didn’t seem to be paying much attention to the medic, though he did seem mildly alarmed when Jackson eased back and only seemed appeased when he realized the reason why. Jackson did move to the other side, staying close and in sight but out of the way and that seemed to relax Jaebum a bit.

Jaebum reached out and grabbed Jackson’s hand again as the medic eased another bandage in place, this time horizontally across his chest, tied at his side, under his good arm so that he could still move it, but holding his bad arm in place.  Jaebum allowed her to do whatever she needed to do, ignoring her as she wrapped him up.  He wasn’t even really focused on Jackson either, looking over at Jinyoung and Mark.

“You guys are going to have to step up,” he told them and both nodded and stepped forward.

As second alpha, Mark was like the second leader in a lot of ways, though people often didn’t see it because he was so quiet. But Mark had a strong, steady energy, not one to speak up often but never one to sit back either when needed. And while Junior wasn’t an alpha, him and JB went back in ways that the others didn’t, they had more experience together as JJ Project.  Junior and JB were like the mom and dad of GOT7, using past experience to lead and take care of the group in different ways, complimenting each other.  They guided and lead the group, Jaebum with a steady heavy hand while Junior took a softer approach.  With Mark as the steady undercurrent they had a strong leading team, even if Jaebum took the bulk of the responsibility as the pack leader, though today Mark and Junior were going to have to step up without their leader.

“Don’t worry about us, we can handle it here,” Junior was quick to assure and Mark nodded silently in agreement.

“Yeah, don’t worry about us.  We’ll rock it here,” BamBam shouted from across the room, resulting in a small smile from their alpha.

“Okay, good,” he muttered softly.

The next minutes in the room were chaotic. While the medic quickly assessed Mark as a precaution and gave him an ice pack for his face, Jaebum was offered an ambulance but it was promptly refused, saying that he would take the company van with one of the managers.  With the medic there to help move him without moving his arm, they tried to shuffle him out the room.  By now, however, news of Jaebum’s fall had filtered through the grapevine and friends, idols and staff alike, were starting to rush over.  Yugyeom and now BamBam hovered in the doorway, blocking the cameraman who was still hovering and filming over their shoulders. Jaebum, at the same time, was trying to assure himself that everything was under control and that the other members would still be able to go on with their schedules with all little hiccups as possible.

Jackson, too, was struggling. He was trying to keep his head in the game.  Jackson had forced himself to step back, after exchanging a quick look with Jaebum that he hoped expressed everything he felt.  The worry inside him gnawed relentlessly and the whole thing had scared him, but even more so, it scared him how he had reacted.  He had never really been like that, not with the other members or friends, where he was thrown into an instinctual panic.  He didn’t want to be like that again.  He wanted to be strong, be the one to set the mood and get everyone else back on track.  He wanted to step up and take charge and get them through this.

(Not that he was trying to impress Jaebum at all, not at all.  Jackson didn’t have to prove anything to him at all, though he doubted Jaebum would be unappreciative if he did get them through this.  That wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, obviously.  For team strength and closeness reasons only, of course.)

So he took a deep breath and shook off his nerves, making an effort to smile and lighten the mood.  While Jaebum stubbornly went over details with both of the managers, Jackson saddled up close to Youngjae, whom had been sitting silently in the farthest part of the room by himself, his face somewhat hollow, like he was still in shock and scared.  Jackson was quick to throw an arm over his shoulder.  He broke the younger from the trance he had been in, making a stupid comment about this or that in an effort to distract the beta. It wasn’t enough to really shake Youngjae out of the funk the whole thing had thrown him in but it did produce a small smile.

Jackson was persistent, using some of his best material to slowly unthaw the kid next to him and ease the tension. It started small, a little quirk of the lips, then slowly morphing into a real smile.  Everyone was still trying to coax Jaebum out to the car when Jackson finally achieved a laugh from the boy and when the noise registered through the room, Jackson had already pulled the kid into a headlock as a teasing punishment after Youngjae had hit him.  Youngjae’s laugh filled the room.

He felt everyone’s stare for a moment, a questioning glance before they moved on, more important things to worry about than Jackson messing with one of the younger members.  Jaebum, however, paused and stared for a long while, stopping only when Jackson looked up and met his gaze.  There was this intense look in his eyes, like he was trying to express something to him. And oddly enough, Jackson understood by the look alone, understood just how pleased Jaebum was with him for taking care of Youngjae.  The omega had to fight the urge to puff out his chest in pride and silently determined to make sure he kept everyone’s mood going even when Jaebum is gone. And as if he knew, the look Jaebum gave Jackson in response was more than enough to keep him going.

Jaebum didn’t linger much longer and Jackson found that it surprisingly hurt to see him hustled away.  But he was determined at this point, making an exuberant effort to distract everyone and keep them all going.  The rehearsal without Jaebum was stressful, all of them figuring out just how much Jaebum did for them.  Jaebum had the habit of acting like a manager at times, acting as the buffer between them and the staff and during rehearsals it was their faithful leader whom communicated with the staff if changes needed to be made or if they had any other concerns.  Mark and Junior were now the ones who had to step up, Jackson helping out when he could, as they tried to quickly rework routines and fill Jaebum’s spot. Some flips were scrapped from the routine, others were simplified, formations shifted, Jaebum’s lines were split up between Youngjae, Junior, and Yugyeom.  It was stressful, but they were able to work it out.

From there they were rushed back to their waiting room where the stylists and cordi-noonas were ready and waiting for them since they were now behind schedule.  His parents showed up then, hovering around nervously while they prepared for their schedules.  They had heard about Jaebum’s accident, knew he wasn’t going to be a part of this festival. They knew he was at the hospital and that none of them had any word on how he was doing yet and everyone was unnerved.  The couple tried to offer comfort where they could, especially to Jackson whom they were watching extra carefully.  It unnerved Jackson even more, not liking how they were eyeing him like he was made of glass and they were waiting for him to shatter at any moment.  But there really wasn’t much time to worry about it and he was forced to put it on the backburner.

Moving as quickly as possible, they were styled and dolled up (paying extra special attention to Mark in an attempt to cover the bruising, and really only half way achieving this so the cordi-noonas worked their magic on his hair, somehow managing to sweep it over half his half) before they were quickly shuffled off to a string of interviews while his parents waited in their waiting room for them.  All the MCs in the interviews were briefed before they arrived about the accident and any questions about it were strictly off limits, but the interviews were still very taxing on them.  It was odd to be forced to smile and pretend that everything was okay even when Jaebum’s missing calm, strong, guiding leader presence felt like a gaping hole in the team. Even worse, they still hadn’t heard any news from the hospital at this point.  The lingering doubt and worry hung over them as they put on their fake smiles and joked hollowly, putting on a show for the cameras when they all just wanted to be at the hospital too.

Three interviews in Jackson watched as their manager, who had been sticking to them like glue and had been hovering just out of frame, stepped away for the first time since the accident to take a call. A part of the omega knew the call could be anything, like a personal call, or the news finally reaching JYP himself all the way back home.  But the call could also be from Seunghoon calling from the hospital with news on Jaebum. It took everything in him to keep himself focused on the interview and keep the mood going. The others had noticed their manager as well and there were glancing over to where he stood off to the side, head down and concentrating on the conversation he was having.

The interview seemed to drag on, the manager eventually rejoining them though his face was carefully blank and gave nothing away. It was a blessing when they wrapped up the interview, Junior hurrying them through their usual closing send off phrase and salute.  The cameras were turned off, and the group quickly bowed and thanked everyone for their work, their professional attitude not dampened by their eagerness.  As soon as it was considered acceptable to walk away, they eagerly moved towards their manager.

“Any news?”

“Was that the hospital?”

“How’s Jaebum-hyung?”

The questions all came at once, the members all bombarding their manager at the same time.  The manager wavered for only a moment, the chaos confusing him as he tried to pick out individual questions but quickly giving up.  Instead, he waved a hand in front of them, getting everyone’s attention and ceasing the rapid-fire questions.

“I just got word from the hospital. He’s doing fine now. His temperature was high, as we knew, so they’re working to bring it down now.  He was also dehydrated so they have him hooked to an IV now and reportedly he’s doing better.  His collarbone is broken, but X-rays show that break is fairly clean and there isn’t any nerve or tissue damage.  They have him in a sling and he’ll need to rest the arm for the next coming weeks while the bone heals but he’s going to be fine.  He’s resting comfortably while they bring his fever down and rehydrate him. They think he’ll be discharged within the next few hours.”

Everyone seemed to deflate at the same time, the good news releasing the tension each of them held almost at the same time. Jackson, for his part, was relieved to hear the news, but still he was worried.  There was still this nagging feeling in his gut, like a stubborn itch in the back of his head, which refused to leave him. He needed to see Jaebum himself, see him not looking so frail and pale, not drenched in sweat and looking ill. He needed to see him, be able to touch him and feel for himself that Jaebum was there, and okay or at least on the mend. He wasn’t going to be appeased until he was able to do this.

But he fought it, focusing on the task at hand while they were shuffled off to the next interview.  He tried to take comfort in the fact that he knew Jaebum was doing well, it wasn’t an open ended worry any more.  He focused on this fact, not letting any thing else cloud his mind as he tried to trudge forward.  The mood of the group was visibly lighter now, though they still weren’t up to their normal standards, but it was something at least and it meant Jackson didn’t have to try so hard to keep the mood up.

The interviews and photo-shoots wrapped up with enough time for them to finally eat, a mellow event in which they merely shoved food into their mouths fairly quietly back in the waiting room with his parents. Jackson’s mother was practically squished against Jackson’s side on the couch as he hunched over his food, shoving it in his mouth without thought or without even tasting it really. She reached out and grabbed his hand, stilling the chopsticks.

“Are you okay?” she asked in soft tone, almost whispering it to her son like it was a secret. 

Jackson glanced around quickly at the other members crowded around the room eating, none of them paying attention to them and not even noticing that his mother had asked him anything. Most of them were even unable to understand a thing she was saying since she had spoken in their native tongue. His father, however, had his sights zeroed in on them, his attention solely fixated on them as he waited for Jackson’s answer.

“I’m fine,” he answered, making sure not to speak in Korean so the other members wouldn’t be able to understand the weird conversation.  With the exception of Mark, of course, who could speak Cantonese but Jackson knew the alpha had too much respect for them to eavesdrop.  Besides, he was too busy attempting not to move his hair too much, which was still mostly covered half of his face.

She eyed him seriously, concern obvious in the furrow of her brow and the slight frown on her lips.  She glanced briefly at his father, communicating something to him that Jackson was never able to understand since the two were a mated pair and connected in ways he would never get.  Either way, whatever they must have said to one another obviously wasn’t good because Jackson soon found himself at the center of two very worried looks.

“I’m fine, Mom, really,” he was quick to assure and then quickly tried to switch gears and change the topic. Within moments Jackson had BamBam slowly getting riled up and joking around as much as he could given the general mood of the room.  Jackson chose to ignore the looks his parents were still giving him but it seemed like neither seemed like they were going to pursue the topic so Jackson counted his blessings.

As soon as they finished eating though, they were once again hassled by their stylists for last minute makeup checks and wardrobe fixes.  Soon enough they were on standby after his parents kissed him and wished them luck as they left to go to their seats, and then they were being shuffled off towards the stage. The staff quickly double-checked microphones as they stood just off-stage, listening to the groups before them start their last song in their set.

Mark quietly gestured for everyone to gather around, putting his hand out.  They immediately moved into place now, a practiced gesture to them now.  Hands haphazardly stacked atop one another in a circle, exchanging glances with one another to encourage, excite, comfort, or soothe nervousness. They came together as one group now, missing a vital piece of them but still holding strong despite it all.

“Let’s do this,” Mark said simply, taking a moment to look each member in the eye.

“For Jaebum,” Jinyoung added.

It wasn’t like their usual pre-performance cheer. Jaebum always seemed to have something leader-y to say right before a performance, a perfect little spew of flawlessly crafted words that encouraged, wished him luck, and got them hyped up all at the same time.  This one was much simpler, but somehow it got them perfectly pumped up just the same. Suddenly they were determined to make it a good show, to not let down the fans or Jaebum.  They would go out there now determined to make their leader proud.

“G-O-T-7, Jjai!” they cheered, raising their hands in the air at the height of their cheer.

They were moving then, jumping in place with so much restless energy, and waiting for the staff to give them their cue to move to their designated spots.  The other group’s song was wrapping up, they would be moving in a few moments. Only enough time for their manager to suddenly squeeze in and gather them around.

“Just got off the phone.  Jaebum has been released from the hospital and he’s resting comfortably back at the hotel.  He wishes you all good luck.”

And then they were being hustled off. Jackson moved mindlessly to his designated mark on a platform and waited, the crowd roaring as the other group quickly exited the stage and their intro video started to play. He tried to get his head back into the game, but suddenly all he could think about was Jaebum back at the hotel and his want to be there with him instead of on stage.  The intro video ended with a dramatic flare and everything was silent for a moment except for the excited screams of all the fans. Jackson bounced in place for a second; using this moment to try to shake out the sudden funk and get his head back into the game.  The first few beats of the intro instrumental song started to play and the platform they were standing on started to move, rising up to the highest part of the stage. Jackson took a deep breath and tried to force himself back into the zone.

“Hello, Hong Kong!” he yelled into the microphone and then together all six of them stepped off the platform and made their way down a set of stairs, Yugyeom singing as they moved.

If he was honest, Jackson didn’t remember much about the performance.  He was able to review the performance once they finished the set, hurried off stage, and made their back to the waiting room.  Jackson found himself sitting mindlessly on the couch, where Jaebum had been sitting hours ago while the medic tended to him, wiping the sweat from his face and chugging down a bottle of water.  The other members were milling around, stripping out of their stage clothes which were soaked in sweat, sucking down water, chatting idly, almost seeming as lost as Jackson was.  Mark was sitting next to him, reviewing the performance on a small handheld camera. Jackson leaned in for a moment, noting with satisfaction that he hadn’t been a zombie on stage and had somehow pulled out a good performance as if there was nothing wrong.  It was still a weird performance for them, with Jaebum not being there and the parts distributed differently, but they had pulled it out.

They had to wait for the encore before they could head back to the hotel, though everyone was just itching to leave right then and there.  Still, they held it together, allowing the stylists and cordi to make them stage perfect again after they had sweated off all of their makeup.  It was hard too to get make into the stage mindset once more after they had already done their set.  It seemed like it took forever until they were on standby again and then they were bouncing around on stage once more, trying to put on a good show again. It was a relief to be able to exit the stage and return to their waiting room for the last time.

The boys changed out of their stage clothes, their things were packed up and then they were out of the door, much quicker than all of the other idols.  Jackson’s parents stopped in briefly, telling everyone they did a good job and giving out hugs but they didn’t linger long, no doubt knowing they wanted to go to their leader. They parted ways in the underground parting area, Jackson giving each a hug and a kiss before they went to their respective cars so they could go back to their respective destinations. They still hit traffic getting out of the venue; a nerve wrecking experience for them all since all they wanted to be is at the hotel and with their leader.  Jackson spent the majority of the time they were ensnarled in traffic anxiously bouncing his leg and staring out the window, only stopping when Mark placed a firm hand on his knee.

The manager must have been speeding a little because as soon as they escaped the traffic they were able to make it back to the hotel in record time.  Despite everything Jackson didn’t immediately run up to Jaebum’s room, walking at a calm pace and then lingering in the hallway with the other members while the manager went ahead and checked in with Seunghoon who had been with Jaebum the whole time. Somehow they all stood in a weird limbo. Jaebum was always just so strong, even when he was sick he still went to radio shows and did TV appearances. Subconsciously, they had all put him up on a pedestal, which honestly hadn’t been too fair of them, and they wavered now wondering what to do.

“He’s asleep,” Seunghoon said as they joined them in the hallway.  “You can see him in the morning.  Let’s let him sleep for now.”

Slow glances were exchanged before they hesitantly complied.  Mutterings of goodnight were exchanged and everyone started moving then, going to their respective rooms.  BamBam, whom Jackson was sharing a room with, paused when Jackson made no move to go back to their room. Instead he hovered with Jinyoung by the room that housed their sleeping leader.

“You coming?” BamBam asked hesitantly, glancing back and forth between him and Junior, giving each a look of confusion and concern respectively.

“I’m gonna sleep with them tonight,” Jackson declared without asking permission, just deciding it himself that he wasn’t going to leave his leader’s side for a moment. 

BamBam hesitated, looking to Junior once more who was staring at Jackson with a serious expression on his face. He seemed to take a moment, studying the way Jackson stared back at him evenly, daring him to argue or question him, before he seemed to accept it.  He looked back at BamBam, nodding his consent and then pulled out the key for the room he shared with Jaebum.  When the door unlocked, Jinyoung opened it and stepped back, allowing Jackson to pass and enter the room first. 

The room was dark when they entered and Jackson had to feel blindly along the wall for a moment until he found the bathroom. Switching on the light in there, the dark room was flooded with a dim light, enough to see where everything was but not bright enough to disturb Jaebum’s sleep.  With the room illuminated though, Jackson’s sight zeroed in on Jaebum, deep in sleep.  Like his own room, Junior and Jaebum’s room had two full sized beds; nothing grand but nice enough that they could be comfortable even away from home.  Jaebum had obviously taken the farthest bed, the bed closest to large window that overlooked Hong Kong.

Jaebum seemed comfortable enough in bed, sleeping mostly on his back but rolled ever so slightly towards his good side. There were pillows propped underneath him on his left side, no doubt in an attempt to keep him from rolling over and putting too much pressure on his bad side.  The sling he was in didn’t seem too comfortable, holding his arm in place across his chest so he didn’t jostle his shoulder in the slightest, but he seemed to be sleeping pretty deeply so Jackson figured that it couldn’t be too bothersome to him.

Jackson felt Junior’s stare on him, watching him to see what he would do, no doubt wary of him after his melt down earlier. The omega in question tried not to let it bother him, knowing that the beta was only looking out for their leader’s best interest while he was injured and sick and didn’t need Jackson freaking out again and pouncing on him.  But it did bother him that Junior obviously didn’t trust him enough to be able to not worry about watching him.  It honestly shamed him that he had fallen apart that way, but it was enough to make sure to have an extra firm grasp on his own control as to ensure it didn’t happen again.

Determined to prove that he could be a responsible hyung and omega, Jackson strove confidently into the room, ditching his shoes and removing his jacket.  He made his way to the nightstand between the two beds, deliberately removing his excess jewelry slowly as if that somehow showed that he was in complete control. Junior was still watching him, even as Jackson moved away from the nightstand and moved towards the bathroom.

Jackson didn’t linger long in there, using the restroom quickly and then bending over the sink to wash up for the night. He didn’t have any of his things here, his toiletry bag three rooms over in his own room with BamBam, but he didn’t feel like going and retrieving it either.  Instead he eyed the toiletry bag sitting there, left there pretty carelessly knowing both Junior and Jaebum were pretty neat. A quick look inside and Jackson recognized the brand of face wash Jaebum liked to use, the lid not even properly closed and there was some oozing out a little bit, so Jackson imagined he had used it with a single hand earlier in the night when he got back from the hospital.  Jackson also couldn’t help but notice a prescription bottle sitting on the counter, a painkiller of some sort.

Jackson decided to take a moment to inspect the rest of the bag and quickly cleaned the few items that had been dirtied by the face wash. Junior, at this time, poked his head in the bathroom before he joined him. Luckily there were two sinks in this hotel room (a fact that Jackson was mildly bitter about since his room only had one and it had been a fight that morning between him and BamBam to get ready since they both had slept in) so Junior simply went about his nightly routine without crowding Jackson at the sink.  Junior didn’t comment on the fact that Jackson was cleaning Jaebum’s mess nor did he comment about on the omega using the items.  Jackson washed his face fairly quickly, making sure to properly close the cap for Jaebum. By the time Jackson had finished toweling off his face and hunting around Jaebum’s bag for some moisturizer, Jinyoung had already washed and was brushing his teeth already.  That was Jackson’s next task; using the hotel brand toothpaste and giving his teeth a fair cleaning considering he didn’t have his toothbrush with him and had to use his finger to scrub his teeth.

Jinyoung was already finished and was out in the room when Jackson finished up and reentered the room.  He was dressing for bed and once again Jackson found himself ill prepared.  He hesitated for a moment before moving over to Jaebum’s bag sitting on the little armchair in the corner.  He rooted around for a moment, finding a loose fitting tank top that Jackson could easily sleep in and changed into that and stripping down to his underwear.

“Which side do you want?” Junior asked softly as Jackson balled up his jeans and shirt and tossed it atop Jaebum’s bag, the first words spoken at all since entering.

Jackson paused for a moment, eyeing Junior’s bed while the beta turned down the sheets.  The omega shifted restlessly for a moment before moving between the two beds and turning towards Jaebum instead.  The sounds of rustling sheets stopped behind him so he knew Junior had stopped and was watching him as he ever so gently tried to tug the pillows out from beneath the alpha. It was a nerve wrecking experience but Jackson was determined, knowing he wasn’t going to happy anywhere except with Jaebum, and he persisted. 

Jaebum stirred just as the omega wedged the pillow free, letting out a little groan of confusion and his eyes fluttered open ever so slightly.  He squinted up at him blearily and with this sort of dazed look like he wasn’t really seeing him and Jackson was once again reminded of the painkillers he had seen in the bathroom. Jackson shushed him, climbing into the bed as quickly and gently as he could and eased himself right up behind Jaebum, slotting himself perfectly against their leader and laying back. Wedging his arm under the pillow and under Jaebum’s head, he gently coaxed the confused alpha to lean back against him.  Jaebum went willingly, almost too willingly, coming to rest comfortably so that he was practically lying atop the omega and the majority of his back pressed to Jackson’s chest. Jaebum sighed contently and settled almost immediately into another deep sleep.  Jackson too felt himself relax, feeling the steady weight of Jaebum atop of him, knowing he was here and on the mend.  He wrapped his arm around Jaebum’s waist, keeping the alpha steady against him so he wouldn’t move during the night. Ignoring Junior, who was once again moving around as he got comfortable in his own bed, Jackson drifted asleep.


	3. The Fog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the much more self-aware Jaebum feels the weight of the bond more readily than the clueless omega and flounders under its weight

When Jaebum awoke it was through a fog. He could hear quiet mutterings in the room with him but he couldn’t make out what they were saying. He wasn’t sure what had roused him at first, so deep in his sleep that he was sure that the quiet mutterings wouldn’t have disturbed him.  Despite acting tough yesterday, he had been in a lot of pain and hadn’t resisted when he was offered pain meds at the hospital.  And whether he was just sensitive to medications or whether the meds were somehow stronger here in China, he wasn’t sure, but they had really knocked him out on his ass last night. 

He barely remembered getting back to the hotel, barely remembered the manager helping him out of his clothes, helping him in the bathroom.  He did remember practically dropping into bed and being annoyed when the manager kept moving him, pushing pillows under him so he wouldn’t roll over in the middle of the night and hurt himself.  Dimly he remembered awaking up for something else later on but everything had been so blurry then that he had just drifted back to sleep without really bothering to see what had woke him in the first place.   The fact that he had any sort of recollection of waking at all was a miracle in itself.

Now, hours later as the medication worked its way out of his system, having slept it off for the most part, he still felt as if he was in a fog.  Something had roused him, though he didn’t quite know what it was, and as he slowly fought to clear the fog and wake up the noises around him were starting to become more distinct. He still couldn’t make out what was being said but he was able to recognize that it was voices instead of an unintelligible hum in the background of a dreamless sleep. It was progress, however small, slowly crawling out from the medically induced fog.

Something suddenly shifted beneath him, rousing him farther from his sleep.  He was still extremely groggy but the shifting had woken him up enough to open his eyes and scan the room.  He could see Jinyoung sitting in his own bed next to his, engrossed in a conversation with one of the managers.  Mark and BamBam both sat at the end of the bed as well, BamBam looking particularly small despite his lanky build as he sat next to the ever-steady second alpha. Jaebum slowly started to move; his whole body feeling like it weighed a ton and moving seemed to take an excessive amount of effort.  But something just seemed off, whatever it was, so moving was worth the effort, especially since it made it glaringly clear just what was off after he moved.

As soon as he stirred even the slightest bit whatever was underneath him seemed to shift as well.  It took Jaebum a moment to realize that whatever was under him seemed to tense when he moved, which didn’t make sense until he slowly turned his head and found Jackson’s face surprisingly close to his. If he hadn’t been feeling so sluggish he probably would have jumped out of his skin, but as it were, he just stared blankly at him for a long moment.  Jackson looked like a deer in headlights, completely frozen where he was mostly wedged beneath the alpha.  He looked terribly lost, like he had no clue exactly how to handle this situation.

Jaebum himself didn’t know how to handle it either. Sure, every once and a great while when he still shared a bed he would wake up cuddled up with Youngjae, impossibly close.  But the two were just so used to sleeping by one another that they would just roll away from one another, possibly throw in a teasing remark or two.  And yes, Jaebum had cuddled up with Jackson on a few occasions, when they were on trips mostly or camped out in the living room together as a group, the more recent example being just a few days ago. But he and Jackson weren’t roommates, they weren’t used to one another like how Jaebum was used to Youngjae and Jackson was used to Mark.

Not to mention the ever-shifting nature of their relationship lately.  Jaebum wasn’t a fool and he wasn’t one to delude himself either. He couldn’t exactly claim to know exactly when things started to change, the shift happening so gradually that it had taken time for Jaebum to even realize.  But Jaebum prided himself on being very aware, always knowing just what exactly each member was up to at any given moment. Whether it be the members attempting to pull a prank on him or each other, jokingly talk shit behind each others backs, or even just keeping an eye on them when they were out, watching to be sure they don’t stray from the pack, make sure they landed a trick, or kept out of trouble in interviews or when in public.  He made it his job to be the one on top of things, to not be caught unaware and always be prepared; ready to jump in if the need should ever arise.

So of course he had noticed how close he and Jackson had started getting.  They had always been close, even from the beginning, but Jaebum had noticed how Jackson seemed to hang off of him more and more.  Jackson was an affectionate person, it was the omega in him, that’s just how he was; personal space just didn’t seem to exist to him sometimes. But Jaebum could usually tell when the omega was legitimately craving touch or if he was just playing it up for the cameras.  And while Jackson does tend to do it enough for the cameras, it was the quiet moments away from the spotlight that really drew Jaebum’s attention.  More and more, he found the omega beside him, reaching out to him, brushing him ever so slightly, his gaze trailing after him. And for a while Jaebum had brushed it off, Jackson was an omega after all and he an alpha –the alpha of their group- so it was only natural, he did the same things with Mark and BamBam too, even Jinyoung.  But somehow it felt different as time went on.

He felt different.

Touch wasn’t such a big thing for an alpha like it was for an omega.  Jaebum didn’t go out of his way to touch others or be touched by them.  His instincts didn’t crave it like Jackson’s did. In fact, Jaebum used to crave his own personal space, didn’t like for anyone to encroach on him. He had gotten better with it, more affectionate with the members now and more open to them when they approached him.  At a certain point he had just gotten used to Jackson reaching out to him, didn’t think anything of it. But somewhere along the line, and even he couldn’t recall exactly when things changed, the omega’s touch started to feel different to him. 

He didn’t know how to describe it exactly. It wasn’t as if the touches had changed at all, they didn’t linger any longer than they used to, they weren’t any tighter than he was used to, he wasn’t being used like a tree any less than he was before.  But somehow the touches, or the glances, or even the teasing banter back and forth, it all just felt _special_.  He didn’t feel this way with anyone else, whether they be alpha, beta or omega, only Jackson.  It was as if each interaction, however small, was important.  Jaebum felt so much more attuned to the omega, like he could read him like a book, understand each flicker of emotion that the Hong Kong man felt, what each action meant, exactly what he was trying to say. He felt more at peace when Jackson was with him as well, more relaxed when he joked with the omega (using his big laugh more and more with each thing the foreign man did), less weighed down by his responsibilities with each kind glance, more settled in his own skin with each touch.  It all felt very dangerous to Jaebum, inching ever closer to the point of no return and the alpha wasn’t sure if he was ready or not for that let alone if he even wanted it.

He didn’t know what he was supposed to do with it all. He could barely even bring himself to think about where it could be heading, not wanting to admit to himself that this was truly happening and not just some odd speculation he had dreamed up. But he also couldn’t deny the looks others were giving him and Jackson either.  Jaebum had seen more than one worried glance point at them by their managers, long before they had come to Hong Kong and with increasing regularity.  But it was easy to brush off as just two members of the same group being really close and not make it about their dynamics and what it could mean in the grand scheme of things. Jaebum had seen the worried glances be written off, brushed aside or internally rationalized to somehow explain it in some other way.  Hell, he had done it too on more than one occasion.  He just didn’t think he could do it any longer after this trip to Hong Kong.

It was easy to ignore or place on the backburner when they were working.  The last month or so alone had been so busy that Jaebum hadn’t thought about it much, hadn’t kept himself awake at night going over every little thing in his head to try and rationalize and convince himself it was something else.  He had worked himself into such an exhausted heap that he didn’t have the time or the energy to fight it.  But it was as if there was something about this trip to Hong Kong that was jinxed or something because their first day there and things were happening that Jaebum couldn’t fight against.

Jackson’s father was a nice man and he had never had a problem with him before.  He respected the older alpha, for all his years of experience, for his raising Jackson to be such the truly wonderful person he was today.  Their interactions were limited, considering the distance between Korea and China, and the language barrier, but whenever they did meet –when Jackson’s parents flew in for a showcase, or they flew to Hong Kong for a concert, fanmeet, fan sign, etc-it was always cordial and welcoming. Jaebum didn’t have a problem with the older alpha and the younger alpha wasn’t aware of any sort of issues Jackson’s father might have with him.

And yet, something about this visit is different. Almost as soon as Jaebum came near Jackson’s father it was as if his inner alpha took over.  An odd possessive instinct took over and, without really knowing how and why he was doing it, he found himself in a stare down with Jackson’s father.  And Mr. Wang was no fool; he knew exactly what Jaebum was doing even if Jaebum didn’t know himself, not backing down for a second.  Jaebum had to respect him for it, even if a part of him in the moment had wanted to act out and throw down, establish dominance right then and there. Luckily Jaebum was more in control of himself than that, after years of hormone suppressants and dynamic coaching sponsored by JYP himself, and it hadn’t come down to that.

Still, the incident had rattled Jaebum. After Jackson’s mother had broken the sudden pissing contest and Jaebum had quickly whisked him and Jinyoung into one of the cars, the alpha couldn’t help but feel distressed by the whole thing. Jaebum might be Jackson’s pack alpha now, but he wasn’t quite _his_ alpha. Jackson wasn’t mated yet which, as Jackson’s father, meant that Mr. Wang still had a claim over the omega even if Jackson had joined another pack.  Even as the pack leader to Jackson’s new pack, Jaebum had to respect that claim, respect the relationship between an alpha and his omega son. But in that moment, all the inner possessive alpha instinct flaring up in all the worst ways, Jaebum hadn’t respected that.  Instead, his instincts were screaming at him to throw down right then and there, to establish his dominance as the stronger alpha, and win the right to stake his own claim, make Jackson _his_ and only his.

You can’t exactly try to ignore an errant suspicion that things were changing, moving in the direction of- dare he say it- mates, when your instincts want you to battle it out for the right to claim.

And then after working himself into yet another exhausted, now sickly heap, Jaebum managed to injury himself and the alpha had been deeply alarmed when Jackson had a near meltdown.  When he fell, the pain was immediate and he knew right then and there that he had fucked up.   His body went into overdrive the moment of impact, and although the pain was terrible he didn’t really know the extent of his injuries, only that this fall had felt different somehow from past ones.  This wasn’t something he was going to just be able to walk away from like he had done in the past.  But in the moment, lying prone on the stage floor Jaebum had sucked it up because he wasn’t the only one to fall.  His mind was almost completely focused on Mark, making sure he was alright after the fall and trying to stay strong when the gut wrenching guilt he felt at seeing how his fair skin had instantly began to bruise and swell from Jaebum essentially kicking him in the face made him want to throw up. Jaebum had missed it at first, so focused on Mark that he didn’t even notice that Jackson was falling apart right before him, having to be physically restrained by the other members.

It had been that roar Jackson had let out that brought his focus solely on the omega because Jaebum had never heard Jackson make that kind of noise.  This roar, and it could only be described as a roar, was gut wrenching to Jaebum. He could plainly hear all of Jackson’s frustration, panic, fear, and so many other things that the omega was feeling.  And maybe it was because Jaebum was Jackson’s pack leader or maybe it was because they had been slowly inching their way closer to something more, but it chilled Jaebum to the bone to hear Jackson in such distress.  When an omega was in distress the whole pack could feel it, depending on close they all were, but the way Jaebum felt seeing and hearing Jackson fall apart like that was nothing like he had ever felt before.  It took everything in him not to fall apart right with him, not to give into his own instincts and go to him, smother him in a close embrace, steal him away from the outside world so nothing else could possibly hurt him more, and possibly do more things Jaebum’s inner alpha would probably deeply enjoy that Jaebum himself didn’t want to think about.

But Jackson’s display had gotten Jaebum moving, motivating him to get up off the floor and be strong.  Jaebum didn’t ever – _ever_ \- want to hear Jackson make those noises again and if sitting on the ground helpless was making him make those noises then Jaebum wasn’t going to just sit there any more.  He was failing as a leader, as the alpha, if he just sat back and let something like that happen. But moving around meant he had to assess his injuries and categorize the damage.  He was a little banged up, his knees starting to throb a little where they were probably scrapped or bruised, an ache in his back from Mark’s knee digging into him during the fall and, of course, his shoulder. His body must have been in shock until that point because, while it had hurt before, Jaebum didn’t know just how bad it was until he had tried to move his arm and test the injury, not knowing that it was bad enough that he really shouldn’t be moving it at all. Jaebum knew then, as the managers hurried him backstage to their waiting room while shouting out orders for the medic that something had to be broken even if he didn’t want to really admit it because it meant having to sit out the performance. 

Jaebum took comfort in Jackson’s touch, in his affection, while the medic looked over him.  The whole thing was not a good experience for Jaebum but having Jackson right there next to him grounded him a bit, made him hurt just a little less, made things seem better if even just for a moment.  It was for this reason that a part of Jaebum had really hated when he had to leave for the hospital and Jackson had to stay behind. There was something very frightening about going to a hospital in a country he wasn’t completely familiar with and something about the shifting nature of their relationship just made Jaebum feel better, enough that he had wanted Jackson to tag along for comfort’s sake alone.  Another part of him realized that this attachment, these strange feelings, probably weren’t a good thing (not to mention Jackson still had to stay and perform as well as try and keep the member’s moods up even considering the abrupt turn things took). Distance between them, while probably not the best way to handle things, was Jaebum’s temporary solution to the problem he decided as he wracked his brain with how to handle the situation while lying on an insanely uncomfortable bed getting an x-ray taken in a foreign country.

So waking up cradled in Jackson’s arms wasn’t exactly what Jaebum had in mind when he determined distance was the best course of action, at least until he got his own head on straight.  He stared at Jackson for a long moment, blinking slowly and sluggishly to process what was happening.  When it did catch up to him, especially when the voices of the others started to become clearer, he forced himself to move.  Actually sitting up, and thus putting distance between him and Jackson, was more of a chore than he was expecting with how exhausted his body was. It also did come as a surprise, considering how the lingering medication made him feel so sluggish, just how much it hurt to actually move.  He couldn’t help the grimace of pain that crossed his face, prompting almost everyone in the room to fret over him including the overly attached omega he was trying to distance himself from.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, take it easy,” Seunghoon was saying as soon as Jaebum sat up.

“Hyung, how are you feeling?” BamBam eagerly said, getting up to hover next to Mark who had jumped up silently as soon as Jaebum had stirred and had moved to stand beside the bed.

“Jaebum-hyung,” Jackson muttered, reaching out and ever so lightly putting his hand on the alpha’s back.  Any other words the omega wanted to say seemed to get stuck in his throat but Jaebum found this easier.  He didn’t want to know what Jackson might have said.

“I’m fine,” he was quick to assure everyone, even going as far as gently sliding himself away from Jackson and towards the side of the bed, swinging his legs over the side and staring up at the manager. “I’m fine,” he repeated again and then ran his good hand over face.

Honestly though he wasn’t so sure if he was fine. It was more of a kneejerk-reaction to just say that he was fine, smooth the worries of those around him and not let his problems weigh on anyone besides himself.  He was the leader and he took that seriously so he didn’t want the other members to worry about his problems.  He didn’t want them to worry about the pain he was still in, and how he sort of wanted another pain pill but was afraid it would knock him on his ass again.  He didn’t want them to worry about how he still feeling kind of sick and achy, both from being sick and from the fall.  He didn’t want them to worry about how much he wanted to take comfort in Jackson, to crawl into him, and how denying himself that hurt deep down in his core in a way he had never felt before. And he didn’t want them to worry about how scared that made him feel, how alarmed he felt by feeling this way.

“I do have to pee through.  Would you mind letting me through?” he asked the manager instead of spilling all of his fears, who scrambled to get out of the way.

Jaebum moved slowly, taking a moment to use his good hand to attempt to rub the sleep from his eyes.  Actually standing and moving towards the bathroom was a task, feeling the scrutiny of everyone’s gaze on him making him extra aware of his own body and made him feel the pressure not to have even the slightest misstep. He moved with deliberate slowness and tried to ignore everyone else in the room, or at least appear as if he was ignoring them and appear carefree.  He didn’t really know how convincing he really was though because as soon as he disappeared behind the bathroom door he could hear them moving around and what sounded like a small scuffle.

He held his breath and listened through the door, frozen as he tried to picture what exactly had happened as soon as he had exited the room.  He had a suspicion, an odd nagging feeling he couldn’t understand or even justify, but somehow he pictured Jackson lingering right outside the door.  He could almost feel it in his bones, like his body just knew when the omega was close.

“I just want to help him.  He may need help in there,” Jaebum could hear Jackson saying, the sound of his voice slightly muffled from the door.

“I’ll do it.  Go sit down,” Jinyoung said and then the door was being eased open before Jackson could even say a thing more. 

Jaebum only glanced back at the door, watching as Jinyoung slipped through the small opening and then quickly closed the door without even asking if he could come in.  They locked eyes the moment the door closed, a silent understanding passing between them; the two of them so close after years of training together and then debuting together twice that they simply just got each other in ways that the others just didn’t.  Jinyoung ever so silently moved to lean against the glass door of the shower stall while Jaebum moved towards the toilet.  More than anything Jaebum was just happy this bathroom was so spacious, much bigger than the bathroom back at the dorm.  Jaebum already felt awkward enough as it is, awkwardly trying to wrestle himself out of his shorts one handed- his less dominant hand, mind you- while Jinyoung hovered behind him without having to be on top of one another.

“Need help?” Jinyoung asked after a moment of silent struggling.

Jaebum fought the humiliation. “I got it,” he answered slowly after a moment, more than grateful that he had taught himself how to use his right hand to do many things from an early age.

Jaebum finished up with as much dignity as he could muster and moved over to the sink, grimaces at how sunken and ashen he looked, how dark the shadows under his eyes looked, the ugly, dark bruising peaking out from the collar of his shirt and the odd dark spot under his chin he didn’t even feel until he saw it in the mirror.  The bar of soap slipped out of his hand of few times while he was trying to lather up enough suds to wash but Jinyoung didn’t comment or attempt to help, knowing Jaebum was too fiercely independent to want help. Jaebum did reluctantly require help getting toothpaste on his toothbrush after an embarrassing struggle and several squirts of toothpaste completely missing the brush but otherwise Jaebum determined he was fairly self-sufficient, at least so far.

He took more time than he really needed, delaying the inevitable when he would have to go back out into the main room and face everyone and their stares.  Somehow it felt like a daunting thing.  He felt like he had let everyone down in a way, failed as a leader to be strong enough to perform with them, to be there when they needed him to be there. And he knew they did fine without him. He made sure the manager kept him updated at the hospital; it was the only way he would stay calm enough to sit through the x-ray and not fight it when they jabbed a needle in his arm to hook him up to an IV.  And he was so proud of them for doing so well, but that still didn’t stop him from feeling like a failure, feeling like getting sick and then hurt was a personal failing and hurt the team.  So going out there, facing them all when this horrible feeling of self-doubt was weighing down on him. (Not to mention the added pressure of facing Jackson, the overly attentive worried omega who, whether he realizes it or not, was causing him undue stress about their changing relationship, what it means, and how exactly he was going to deal with it all) Going out there with everything going on in his head felt like much, much harder than just simply walking back into the room.

Jinyoung waited for him, a silent comforting presence that gave him the push needed to finally get his shit together and face his fears. Youngjae, Yugyeom, and the other manager had joined the group while JJ Project was in the bathroom, bringing drinks and snacks that Youngjae appeared to be stress eating. Youngjae, BamBam, and Jackson all jumped up as soon as the door opened though none of them approached, although in Jackson’s case it was only because of Mark stopping him by having a firm grip on his arm.  Jaebum couldn’t help but mentally sigh in relief at this though because all he really wanted right now was space and not to be shoved in a room with six members and two managers, especially if they were going to be invading his personal space.

The next few minutes were tense and awkward, no one quite knowing what to say or do.  Mark was still holding pretty firmly onto Jackson, but he had managed to pull him down to sit on the edge of the bed.  With Jackson being on the bed, Jaebum decided to move towards the window, trying to distance himself from the omega and everyone else in the room. The view from the hotel room was pretty nice, overlooking Hong Kong, but the damn thing wouldn’t open which was actually driving the alpha insane because all he wanted all of a sudden was fresh air.  The whole room felt stifling, the air heavy and tense.  The managers were muttering back and forth between the two of them, obviously stressed by the turn of events.  BamBam and Yugyeom were also talking somewhat loudly, filling the air with noise and trying to ease the tension, but Jaebum couldn’t focus on what they were saying.

All he could focus on was the fact that he could actual feel the weight of Jackson’s stare on his back, could actually feel the omega’s concern and distress right in the middle of his chest. It was the oddest and scariest thing to feel the strange sensation of Jackson’s misery filling his chest, making his stomach drop and making him queasy.  Yesterday, he had seen and heard Jackson’s distress when he was hurt, very much attuned to the omega in a way he hadn’t been before.  Today, however, it was becoming more and more apparent to the alpha that the longer he stood there he wasn’t just very attuned to the omega, he was actually feeling him and honestly Jaebum didn’t know how to process that. It was like a slow burn, starting in a small spot in the middle of his chest and spreading quickly, consuming him. Everything suddenly felt hot, his chest too tight, his mind a jumbled mess as his body tried to understand what he was feeling while also recognizing and processing what Jackson was feeling as well.  It was like having Jackson inside of him, like a part of the omega was nestled up inside his chest like this parasite slowly spreading out and taking over when there just wasn’t enough room to begin with and now it was just too cramped and way too tight. He felt as if his chest was going to explode, his head not fairing much better.  He just felt so overwhelmed and like it was all just too much all of a sudden as he stared out at a foreign city. 

He couldn’t do this.

“I want to go home,” Jaebum spoken suddenly and whatever awkward stilted conversation everyone else was having stopped immediately.

The silence lasted for a few awkward beats as everyone stared at his back, the true alpha refusing to turn around and look at them.  Seunghoon was the first one to speak, getting up to grab his phone and muttering something about how they could make it happen. 

“Let’s wait a few days, rest a bit and enjoy Hong Kong while we can and then we can return home,” Seunghoon was saying, already clicking away on his phone.

Jaebum finally turned then, ignoring everyone else while he focused solely on their manager in order to get his point across. “No, I want to go home now. I don’t want to wait a few days. I need to go home,” he said seriously, his tone closer to an alpha tone than he had meant it but he couldn’t bring himself to care.  He didn’t want to look out the window and see another city.  He didn’t want to feel Jackson’s concern shifting to confusion. He didn’t want any of this. He just really wanted to go home.

Seunghoon froze for a moment, glancing back at the other manager who was standing by the door with a phone pressed to their ear and looking just as alarmed as he was.  “I don’t think we can get that many tickets so soon.”

“Can you get a ticket for the next flight out?” the true alpha deadpanned somewhat harshly.

The older man floundered for a moment, clearly flustered by the sudden demand.  A part of Jaebum realized he was being unreasonable, he knew the stress he was putting on their managers by making this sort of demand on them.  But the bigger part of him was too worked up over the sudden onslaught of emotions, both his and Jackson’s warring for dominance in his own body, that had him feeling too unstable to even be the same room as anyone right now. Distance was his grand solution, the comfort of the dorm where he could be alone for a few days so he could get his head on straight and lick his wounds in private.  He just couldn’t focus on anything else besides the fact that really didn’t want to be in Hong Kong anymore.

“You can’t travel alone, and that was before you were injured.  We definitely can’t let you travel alone while injured,” their second manager said, looking to Seunghoon for support.

Jaebum was quick to respond.  “Then get two tickets.  One of you can come with me and the other manager can stay here with the other members and the staff.  Two tickets shouldn’t be too hard to get a hold of.”

Things started to shift then, the members sitting by in shocked silence while Jaebum’s mindset shifted.  Suddenly Jaebum had something else to focus on other than the tumultuous nature of his current emotions and mindset.  He could push it all aside for just a moment, work out a plan and get the group settled, act like a leader.  He quickly went through the mental checklist in his head, going through schedules and trying to make the right adjustments, shifting very naturally into leader mode.

He moved away from the window and approached the managers.  They worked with him enough to know when he was in his leader mode and he could see the shock and wariness wearing off as they stepped into familiar grounds. Within moments Jaebum was asking for his phone, which Seunghoon had been holding onto for safe keeping since he kept losing it in several drug induced mishaps last night, and was pulling up the schedules he had programmed into his phone.

Just a few days before Jaebum had spent the better part of the day cramped in the hotel room with the managers negotiating schedules. Jaebum had wanted to get them at least a few days more rest in Hong Kong, for Jackson mostly who didn’t get to see him family often, before they returned back to work but also because they all really needed rest.  JYP wanted them to almost immediately jump into preparations for the Japanese single that they had already recorded before they left Korea. With the single already recorded, it put them ahead of schedule in terms of their preparations, something Jaebum had pushed for before they left Korea.  The original plan had been to return to Korea right after the festival and start recording but they had managed to squeeze in studio time here and there on top of their exhausting comeback schedules, allowing them a little leeway to spend a few more days in Hong Kong.  And even though they had would be in warp speed when they got back, Jaebum had managed to negotiate them getting three more days of rest than was originally planned.

Now, however, things were going to be up in the air as to where this all leaves them.  In terms of the next few days, Jaebum really didn’t see how this injury changed much for them.  The schedule had already been worked out to allow them the break in Hong Kong and, whether he chose to stay or not, that didn’t have to change.  What was more important was where his injury left them in terms of their Japanese promotions.  Jaebum was more than willing to work through the pain if need be, they have all done it before at least once, but the whole sling thing might be hard to work around, in terms of costume and dance choreography.  The group had planned to sit down together with JYP and other staff upon their return to go over details of their promotions anyways, but now that meeting was going to be more important than ever.

“We had already worked out that we were going to stay for a bit and it just doesn’t make sense for everyone to leave early just because I got hurt.  So I can go home and the members can stay here like planned.”

The members were utterly silent while the managers exchanged glances, obviously trying to wordlessly work out what to do about the situation.  Honestly, Jaebum didn’t care what they had to say on the subject anymore.  He was just desperate enough to get out of Hong Kong and away from Jackson.  He just wanted to have breathing room alone because he felt as if he would suffocate at the moment with all the uncertainty, that he was one step away from buying his own ticket and leaving on his own, whether he had manager approval or not.

Somehow the managers must have sensed this because they sighed almost hopelessly and Jaebum could see had had won this battle. “Are you sure this is what you want?” Seunghoon-hyung asked, an almost pleading look on his face.

“Yes,” the true alpha muttered decidedly and the two managers nodded together.  They didn’t linger much longer after that, both disappearing to their own rooms make arrangements, leaving the members in an awkward silence. 

Yugyeom suddenly found the bedspread to be extremely interesting, refusing to look up at anyone, his age finally shining through in the moment despite his usual bravado.  BamBam had awkwardly tucked himself into Youngjae, whose hand was still stuffed inside of a chip bag but the boy didn’t appear to have much of an appetite now.  Jinyoung was off to the side, leaning against the small nightstand, his arms crossed and his focused solely on the other half of JJ Project in this very critical unwavering gaze.  Jaebum looked away from him, unable to take the sudden scrutiny, somehow able to sense all of Jinyoung’s suspicions and disapproval.  It was Mark whom the alpha found safe haven in.  The second alpha was attuned to him in ways most of the members weren’t, and although Jaebum could see the confusion on Mark’s face by his actions he could also see that the other alpha somehow understood as well and he wasn’t going to push him.

“Do you need help packing your bags?” Mark asked instead of trying to reason with him.  For this Jaebum was eternally grateful.

“I’m not too spread out so it shouldn’t take long to pack up.  Thanks,” he said as both alphas started to get up and gather Jaebum’s belongings. However, when Mark got up he released his grip on Jackson, whom Jaebum had been purposefully ignoring since he really didn’t want to see the look of hurt and confusion on the omega’s face when he could already feel it so deeply in his chest.  But as soon as Mark had released him Jackson took the moment to practically charge the pack leader, stopping short of actually making contact when both Junior and Mark let out noises of protest when the overly excited omega got close to their injured leader, not wanting him to lose control like yesterday and possibly injury Jaebum more.

The noises was like a bucket of cold water though, stopping Jackson in his tracks as Jaebum stood frozen, waiting for the impact that never came.  Still, the omega was very suddenly in his personal space once more, staring up at him with these gigantic pleading eyes.  Jaebum felt as his the world was crashing down on him, his heart beating way too fast, so fast that he was sure he was going to have to be hospitalized once more; his breath stuck in his chest as he waited for Jackson to do something besides just stare at him. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think.  All he could do was wait and hope that whatever Jackson did next didn’t damage him, in ways he didn’t think possible until this moment, anymore than he already was.

“Hyung,” Jackson muttered at last, ignoring everyone else in the room including Mark and Jinyoung whom were both hovering just behind them, ready to step in at a moment’s notice.

Jaebum stood frozen for a long moment, not knowing what to do.  Jackson seemed just as lost as he was, no more words coming from the omega but the younger man’s feelings were crashing over in twisting, turbulent waves of turmoil. Jaebum truly had never felt anything like this before and if this was what being mated was going to feel like all the time he really didn’t want this.  It felt almost unfair, in a way, for them to be doing so well and working so hard and for this to hit them so suddenly (never mind that it had been building for awhile and just being ignored).  This could derail them, a mated pair in a group together, because Jaebum honestly couldn’t see how he would be able to function while feeling like this all the time.  It was too much, it was already wearing him down so much that he didn’t even want to be near anyone, let alone trying to go on a stage with hundreds to thousands screaming fans and pretend he was okay.

But Jackson was still staring at him expectantly, pleadingly, and Jaebum was still just so confused. Idly he wondered if Jackson was feeling the same way or if he was the only one feeling like this. Sure, he could feel that the omega was beyond confused, beyond hurt, and worried, but at the same time it all sort of felt one sided in a way.  The alpha had a creeping suspicion that Jackson would be feeling a bit differently if he could feel him like the alpha was feeling him.  He would imagine that he would be feeling even more overwhelmed, closer to how he was currently feeling, and he would somehow understand that all Jaebum wanted was space.  But Jackson didn’t understand this, focused solely on confronting him and getting some sort of answer, one that Jaebum didn’t know how to give.

Not knowing what to do, Jaebum turned to his instincts. His omega was obviously in distress, needed some sort of comfort at least, as well as answers. But Jaebum couldn’t give an answer, not when he didn’t know anything himself.  So comfort was his best opinion at the moment.  His instincts were telling him to embrace him, tuck him into his chest and breathe him in.  He wanted to pull him in and never let go, finally just give in and allow himself to be consumed in this relationship.  Unconsciously Jaebum’s eyes darted to Jackson’s parted and fleshly moistened lips, imaging him swooping in and tasting those lips.  Audience be damned, Jaebum’s instincts told him that this was a good moment to claim the young omega, make him his forever and that this would somehow solve all the problems in the world.

But Jaebum quickly reined that in, knowing that despite what his instincts begged him to do, mating was not going to be the end-all fix to this situation.  But offering comfort to the omega wasn’t such a bad idea.  So he reached out before he could think twice and second-guess himself. His hand found itself resting very naturally at the curve of Jackson’s neck, giving a comforting light squeeze, and then his thumb stretching out to give Jackson’s cheek a few quick caresses. Almost immediately Jackson’s head tilted into the touch, his eyes fluttering close and his face peaceful for a moment. Even his tumultuous emotions evened out for just a moment, giving both Jaebum and Jackson a moment’s peace. But the moment quickly disappeared as desire filtered across the strange bond they had and invaded Jaebum, the odd desire Jackson felt now slowly seeping into Jaebum in a vice grip and clouding his head more.  It wasn’t necessarily a lustful desire, but it was definitely a longing for something that didn’t feel entirely safe to the alpha.  Jackson himself probably didn’t even understand what he was feeling at the moment, looking way too relaxed with JB’s touch.

So Jaebum quickly pulled back, hating how Jackson’s whole body seemed to follow him and his retreating hand unconsciously, seeking out the comfort of an alpha’s touch even as it was being retracted. The resulting switch of emotions, from peace and longing to hurt and confusion, hit Jaebum like whiplash and he quickly turned away, not able to force himself to see the look on Jackson’s face by his actions. 

Instead he moved towards the bathroom once more. “I have to start getting my stuff together,” he forced out with minor difficulty and then escaped to the small, enclosed room without looking back.

Almost immediately there was a scuffle, the sound of rushing feet right behind him, and Jaebum almost dreaded what was to happen next. But almost as soon as he escaped into the bathroom, someone else was joining him and closing the door somewhat harshly.  Jaebum couldn’t stop himself from flinching from the noise and took a deep breath before he turned almost robotically to face the other person in the room. Simultaneously Jaebum was both surprised and not surprised at all to see Jinyoung staring back at him with that same suspicious and disapproving look.

Too drained by everything and still in pain, Jaebum was in no mood for whatever Jinyoung had planned.  “What?” he groused out with a harsh tone.

Jinyoung said nothing for a long moment, staring at him intensely for a long moment and gathering his thoughts while he studied his alpha friend.  Honestly, had Jaebum been a lesser dynamic, a weak alpha or beta, he would have been intimidated by the stare.  Especially when Jinyoung suddenly got whatever answer he was looking for and stepped into Jaebum’s personal space. Jaebum suddenly found himself nose to nose with the mother beta of the group, in the hotel bathroom of a foreign country while the other members sat uneasily in the very next room.

“Do I have something to worry about here?” Jinyoung ground out with surprising harshness.

Jaebum didn’t have to think to know exactly what the beta was talking about.  Just like he also couldn’t say with complete honesty that there wasn’t a problem when there very clearly was one, no matter how much Jaebum didn’t want to admit it. But he also didn’t want to be confronted about it either, especially at this moment when everything was so up in the air.  Jaebum really didn’t have the physical or emotional strength to have this conversation.

“Don’t worry about it.  I’ll take care of it,” Jaebum groused and then turned away, retreating to the sink to grab his toiletry bag.

Jinyoung was right behind, not about to let it go with such an unsatisfying and vague answer.  “Hyung,” he called out somewhat harshly still, his frustration clearly evident. 

Junior reached out and attempted to grab at his good arm.  He gave a tug on the arm, trying to turn him around once more and back to the conversation he seemed intent on having but Jaebum really wasn’t having it.  Jaebum batted the arm away quickly and stepped threateningly into Jinyoung’s personal space in a move very similar to what Jinyoung had just done before.  But Jinyoung’s move lacked the power that Jaebum’s had, his beta strength no match for a true alpha. Jinyoung surprisingly held his ground, only flinching as his whole body tensed up and his face scrunched up in preparation for an attack that Jaebum would never actually do. Still, his intimidation was a weapon enough without actually having to resort to violence in a situation like this.

“I said I’d take care of it.  So drop it.  I’m not having this discussion right now.”  The unspoken words in Jaebum’s stare were left hanging between them. “ _Back off_ ,” it said, “ _before I make you back off_.”

The air was very tense for a long moment before Jinyoung slowly moved a step back, retreating from the fight and letting Jaebum win. Jaebum took a deep, steadying breath, not knowing he had been holding his breathe until the beta had actually backed down and the alpha had relaxed.  A part of Jaebum felt instantly bad for resorting to such intimidation, but he also knew it wasn’t the first time he had done this with his JJ Project partner, nor would it be the last time.  Still, he never liked to use his true alpha power against people, especially against the members.

Jaebum turned away again, going back to his toiletry bag.  “Everything will be fine,” Jaebum started while he worked, ignoring how Jinyoung was staring at the ground just behind him.  “You and Mark just hold down the fort while I’m gone.  Let me return home, lick my wounds in peace, and sort through my shit. We’ll worry about it all later.”

Jinyoung was silent for a long moment but Jaebum could feel that he had lifted his head and was back to staring very intensely back at him. He knew that if he actually looked into the mirror he would see Jinyoung’s very focused gaze on him but he delayed it for a long moment until he couldn’t anymore.  Zipping the bag close with some difficulty, Jaebum faced the music and met Jinyoung’s gaze through the mirror.

Jinyoung’s gaze was troubled and very clearly worried. “Hyung, are you and Jackson going to mate?” His tone was calmer now, subdued and almost resigned.

The question hung in the air for a long time. Jaebum couldn’t find the words, couldn’t confirm anything without losing the bit of sanity he had left in this moment, but also couldn’t deny it when everything was spiraling down so quickly. So he just stared wordless back at his friend, trying to formulate a response and also hoping that the silence will speak for itself.  And eventually it did, Jinyoung somehow understanding without Jaebum having to say a word, as Jinyoung sighed and ran a hand through his hair as the weight of the new development settled over him.

Jaebum turned and leaned back against the sink, looking at the younger man seriously.  “I don’t know anything at the moment, okay, but don’t worry about it. I’m not taking this situation lightly. If it’s not right for the team then I’ll just figure it out,” Jaebum said, more steady and sure than he really felt.

But Jinyoung only stared at him like he had grown a second head.  “You’ll figure it out? Mating isn’t something you just figure out.  It’s not something you can just turn off and on if it doesn’t please you, hyung.”

Jaebum sighed and rubbed his thumb lightly over his eye, trying to rub away the tension from the headache forming right behind his eye sockets.  “Don’t worry about it. Just give me time to sort this all out.”

Apparently tension headaches were contagious in this situation because soon Jinyoung was rubbing at his temples. “I don’t have a good feeling about this, hyung.”

Jaebum pushed off of the sink and stood to his full height.  “Well then it’s a good thing you don’t have to worry about it.  Let me handle this.  Now come on and open the door.  I don’t know when my flight is but I need to get ready.”

Together they stepped out of the bathroom, Jinyoung insisting on carrying the toiletry bag for his injured pack leader. But instead of finding five anxious faces staring back at them they were greeted with only one calm one. Mark was standing by the side of the bed when they entered, Jaebum’s bag sitting open as Mark folded and packed the discarded clothes the true alpha had been wearing yesterday. The second alpha glanced up from his work when they reentered the room but didn’t stop folding as they looked around in confusion.

“I sent the kids out to go get take out and Jackson is the only one with more than a basic understanding of the streets and language,” he said simply, placing a pair of folded pants neatly into the bag.

Jaebum had never wanted to kiss his friend more, saving him from the anxious tension that engulfed the group at least for a little while.

With all three working to get Jaebum organized, they had him ready to go in no time.  Actually changing and maneuvering the sling was a struggle and took longer than expected, but they had chosen a loose tank top to make the change easier and were able to eventually maneuver him into the fresh shirt. Still, the process had him hissing in pain and forgetting the original embarrassment of needing help to get dressed that he had in the first place.  Jinyoung had offered him a pain pill after the ordeal but Jaebum had refused, not wanting to be too fuzzy when they got to the airport.  The boys were just pulling a jacket over the alpha’s broad shoulders when the managers reentered the room, their second manager carrying his own bags.  They managed to get tickets for the next flight out but if they wanted get their bags checked and through security in time to actually make the flight then they were going to have to leave right away. 

This meant they didn’t have time to wait for the other members to come back.  In a way it was sort of a blessing to Jaebum, who didn’t want to even imagine what saying goodbye to Jackson would feel like.  On the other hand it also felt cowardly, to leave them all without say goodbyes when he was supposed to be their leader.  But in the end it was out of his hands, so he very quickly said his goodbyes to Mark and Jinyoung, making them both promise to keep an eye on things while he was away, before he and their manager were climbing into a car and off to the airport.


	4. The Emptiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jackson discovers that distance is hard and wallows in confusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to lie, I got half way through this chapter when editing before my brain fried. There was will mistakes. Apologies.

Morning found Jackson sitting idly by the large window of his and BamBam’s shared hotel room, overlooking the Hong Kong skyline as the sun was just peaking up over the horizon. He had slept fitfully the entire night before finally just giving up and climbing out of bed as quietly as he could, mindful of the sleeping Thailand native in the second bed in the hotel room. Sleep evaded him, his mind too worked up and his emotions too all over the place to allow him to even consider being able to get any rest.

The day before had been odd, to say the least, and honestly Jackson didn’t know what to think about it. The whole thing unsettled the omega even if he didn’t even properly understand what exactly was bugging him so much. Maybe it had to with their leader not being there, already back in South Korea and miles and miles away from the team. Or maybe it had something to do with the fact that Jackson didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye. He had returned back to the hotel with the youngsters, personally carrying the cartons of food he knew Jaebum would like-a shmorgishborg of soups, chicken, rice and other dishes that was probably way too much for one person but the omega had insisted on buying for his leader-only to find Mark and Jinyoung sitting alone in the hotel room previously shared by the beta and the pack alpha.

Jackson and the youngsters had all been a little shell-shocked even when Jinyoung explained that Jaebum had to leave right away to catch his flight. They ate in silence for the most part, each locked in their own thoughts and only speaking to ask if someone could pass the rice or other similar requests. (Irrationally Jackson had set aside all the food he had gotten Jaebum and wouldn’t allow anyone to touch it even if Jaebum himself was way too far away to enjoy it himself. It had just felt wrong somehow for anyone else to enjoy it when Jackson had bought it for Jaebum’s sole consumption.) Still, they lingered together for the whole day, the sudden turn of events leaving them all with a strange empty, unsettled feeling. So to combat this feeling they clung to each other, taking comfort in each other’s presence even if the day was mostly filled with individual activities to occupy their time.

His parents did call during the day, wanting to know what they were up to for the day, what they were doing about Jaebum, checking in like parents did. Jackson had explained how Jaebum had gone back to Korea, tried to ignore the tone in his mother’s voice after hearing the news, and got off the phone as soon as he told her that he and the members were going to have a quiet day at the hotel. He felt more troubled by the conversation, hearing what Jackson could only describe as relief in his mother’s voice when all he felt was turmoil over the fact that Jaebum as so far away. He just didn’t understand how anything was supposed to make sense about this whole situation, but the relief in his mother’s voice sickened him in a way he couldn’t describe or even justify even to himself. He spent the next two hours after hanging up the phone curled up in Mark’s lap, the soothing alpha presence offering some semblance of normalcy and allowing him to collect himself somewhat to eventually detach himself and find a way to occupy himself.

He went to bed early that night, but actually tossed and turned all night while he turned over the situation in his head over and over again. He felt as if he was missing something, like he didn’t have all the pieces to the puzzle or a reference picture to know what the endgame was and yet he was still trying to do the frustrating work of trying to put it all together. And it wasn’t even that he was missing Jaebum being by his side, even if he was, but more like he was missing something in the big picture. Something just felt off and omega just wasn’t self-aware enough to figure what exactly it was. And that worried him.

Maybe he really just didn’t know what was happening or, far more likely, he was so far into denial about anything involving him and Jaebum that he couldn’t fathom anything making sense about this situation. But a lot of things just didn’t add up to the omega, like this empty feeling in his stomach that won’t seem to go away, the relieved sound of his mother’s voice on the phone, the guarded tension between Jaebum and his parents, the strange looks he keeps getting from people.

Even Jinyoung seemed to be watching him now. Yesterday the beta had been lost in thought a lot, something obviously weighing on him. But with Jaebum’s absence, Jackson didn’t think too much of it since Mark and Jinyoung would now share the leadership role until they were reunited with Jaebum and that certainly is no easy task (the fact that Jaebum could do it alone was amazing). But throughout the day while they hovered close to one another Jinyoung had seemed to fixate on Jackson in particular. He never said anything, even when Jackson asked if the beta needed anything, but his stare was heavy, calculating and even somewhat critical. It was as if Jackson was a riddle that Jinyoung seemed determined to figure out, studying him so he could get all the information and somehow find some sort of answer, whatever that may be. Jackson didn’t exactly know, but it unnerved him all the same and he was already on edge without the added pressure of Junior’s scrutiny.

Jackson had spent that last few hours combing through social media, his odd anxiety keeping him up and making him uneasy with nothing else to do. Fancams from the festival had started to pop up through the day yesterday and it was very obvious that fans were confused about JB’s absence. Since the incident happened before fans were allowed in the venue, no one had seen the actual fall and they had been tightlipped about it since then, not mentioning in any of the interviews or any of the members saying a word about it while on stage or on social media outlets. No official word has been said at all, not even letting fans know there was an accident at all; Seunghoon-hyung mentioned in passing that JYP was now waiting for JB to be comfortably settled back in Korea before he made a statement. It would probably happen sometime later today. Still there was speculation among the fans about his absence, especially since there had been photos of all seven of them entering the venue at the start of the day from fans who had camped out, and photos and video the six of them leaving the venue since JB had managed to slip out during the day without anyone seeing him thanks to heightened security while they tried to quickly and efficiently rush him to the hospital.

The speculation only got worse when fans started uploading pictures and turning to social media after spotting Jaebum at the airport. There weren’t a lot of pictures of Jaebum at the airport before he left Hong Kong, the unscheduled departure meaning that fans hadn’t been camped out at the airport looking for them. But other idols groups had only flown in for the concert and had left yesterday, which meant fans were camped out at the airport to see them off and just so happened to see Jaebum. Once he had been spotted there nothing they could do to stop them from taking and posting pictures and videos.

Jackson wasn’t even going to lie and even attempt to say he didn’t really pay attention to fan taken photos of them. He was honest enough to admit that he purposefully looked up fansites to see how they all looked on certain days and read comments. It was for this reason that he knew he wasn’t the only one who thought JB’s airport pictures always looked so cool. JB had this very chic, cool side to him and when they were moving through busy airports, this side was often the one that got captured. JB wasn’t one to pose for cameras when they were at the airport, more likely to lose himself in the music he had playing in his ears, hiding behind his sunglasses and pretending like he wasn’t be watched by so many people. But his pictures always seemed to turn out so well, even when he was dressed down in baggy clothes for comfort versus fashion. JB’s cool, chic and sexy side translated very well into airport fantaken pictures, something he and BamBam had discussed together on a few occasions while they lamented over their own pictures, finding little things about the pictures that bothered them, their own insecurities making them overthink every little thing. Jackson would admit that he was sort of jealous of JB’s seemingly cool indifference, and how his pictures always seemed to have this strong, enigmatic quality to them.

These new pictures still had that same strong, cool, enigmatic appearance to them, but anyone could see just how weary he was. His face was cool and carefully blank beneath his dark sunglasses and the visor of his snapback, his usual airport demeanor. The manager hovered a step beside him at all times and was carrying his backpack since his sling preventing him from doing it himself. The sling itself was mostly hidden beneath the large sweatshirt Jaebum was wearing, both arms tucked against his body and out of the sleeves as to not draw attention to the one arm currently unable to fit in the sleeve. In a few photos you could barely see the sling, his sweatshirt mostly zipped up and making him appear as if he was simply armless, as weird as that appeared but with fall fully setting in it could be explained away by warding off a chill. Other pictures had him with his one good arm poking out ever so slightly, holding his phone or removing his sunglasses as they checked his passport. In those pictures the sling was clearly visible.

What really sickened the omega wasn’t the sling and how _human_ , for the lack of a better term, it made him seem somehow. What killed him was how truly tired Jaebum looked. His face was still too pale beneath those sunglasses and he looked haggard, making the bruise under his chin more apparent on his usually perfect skin. His cheeks looked a little sunken in, like he lost some weight in those few days from being sick. And Jackson wasn’t the only one to notice, scanning through the comments at the end of the page. The fans were freaking out, to put it lightly, going on and on about his tired, overly drawn appearance and the sling. Some fans were even chastising JYP Entertainment, scorning them for working the group too hard to the point of injury and exhaustion. A feeling of dread settled in the omega’s stomach.

There were less pictures of him while he was still in Hong Kong, having surprised the fans that were there, but since the pictures had been posted while he was still in the air it gave their Korean fans time to get to the airport to greet him. By the time he had landed in Seoul, iGOT7s had flocked to the airport, frantic after seeing him injured and in desperate need to see him for themselves. Having traveled with only one manager, who could only do so much as a human buffer between him and the fans, airport security had to be dispatched to safely escort their leader to the awaiting car. The pictures and videos from Hong Kong had been taken from a distance, Jaebum being beyond the point in which he could easily be shoulder to shoulder with fans by the time they noticed him. In Korea, however, they were waiting for him and had swarmed him, taking their own pictures and getting as close as possible for the best shot or attempting to pass on gifts like herbal remedies and other things to help him get better soon. The fan accounts posted from the airport in Korea were much more hectic and clearly more taxing on the already exhausted alpha, who appeared more haggard and worn than he did in the pictures posted from only hours before.

Eventually Jackson had to toss his phone away, getting too worked by the his leader’s overly drawn appearance to deal with it any farther without getting sick to his stomach. Instead he gathered his clothes and went to take a shower, trying to clear his head some. The hotel bathroom was rather luxurious, smaller than the one Jaebum and Junior had been sharing (which Jackson tried not to be bitter about) but much larger than the one at their dorm. Jackson turned the water to the hottest setting and stepped into the shower stall after a moment of staring blankly into the mirror, nearly having to step out of the spray when it burned his skin. He fought through the pain however; planting his hands firmly against the tiles to anchor him and bowing his head under the showerhead, letting the water beat down on him. He focused on the too hot temperature, not letting himself linger on any other thoughts and just take a moment to not be so worked up.

He didn’t know how long he was in the shower but next thing he knew there was a soft knock on the door, startling him from the trance he had put himself in. At some point he had sank down to the floor and was watching the water swirl down the drain while the water continued to pour over his head and down his bent back. The entire room was clouded with steam, to the point where he could barely make out the door beyond the glass doors of the shower stall but another soft knock came from the other side after a moment, followed by BamBam’s voice calling out to him.

Jackson knew he should answer but his head felt as clouded as the room and he just couldn’t find the words. He heard another inquiry from BamBam shortly after the first but the omega still couldn’t find any words. Honestly he wasn’t all that surprised when, after a few moment’s hesitation, BamBam’s voice filtered in through the door, warning him that he was coming in, and then the door was slowly eased open. BamBam looked around in confusion, the warm steam billowing out once the young alpha opened the door and clearing the air somewhat. His eyes almost immediately found Jackson’s slumped form on the shower floor and Jackson could see him freeze for a moment, clearly not expecting to see him in such a state.

BamBam hesitantly glanced back out the door, as if wondering if he should go get Jinyoung or Mark most likely, before he glanced back at Jackson in obvious concern. Jackson took a deep breath and tried to muster the strength to uncurl himself and attempt to pick himself off the floor before the young alpha felt the need to go tattle and get the other’s involved. He didn’t even want BamBam to see him this way, let alone Jinyoung with his silent scrutiny or Mark’s sometimes unnerving alpha calm. Actually moving though proved to be harder than he thought, finding his muscles completely stiff from sitting in the same position for so long despite the hot water, and he simply didn’t have the strength to move.

After flopping around for a moment Jackson tried to make light of the situation, trying to ease BamBam’s worries and act as if he wasn’t completely losing his shit when he so clearly was. He smiled sheepishly, but as pleasantly as he could while he looked up at the young alpha.

“I think I might have fallen asleep in here. I’m so sore I can’t even move,” he said, letting out a small laugh that he hoped sounded convincing.

BamBam stared at him for a long moment, his gaze strong but carefully blank, staring at him for maybe a beat or two too long that Jackson didn’t know if he had convinced the younger at all. But then BamBam was shaking his head and stepping closer, leaning into the stall to turn off the water and pulling one of the soft, plushy hotel towels off the rack beside the stall to drape it over Jackson’s exposed lap. Jackson stared down at the towel for a moment, not even able to muster up the energy to feel embarrassed that he had been giving BamBam a good look at him, full frontal and fully exposed. He was just too tired all of a sudden, the sleepless night catching up to him in the worst possible way and he felt sore, and stiff, and just _empty_ which was worse than everything else.

Somehow BamBam must have known this because he let out a large sigh. “Come on, hyung, you’re going to have to help me a little. You’re much bigger than me,” BamBam complained, reaching out and hooking his arms under Jackson’s and letting out a grunt when he tried to pull him up.

Honestly Jackson was a little surprised by the omission. BamBam was an alpha, a very prideful but self-conscious growing alpha. He was a late bloomer and had been growing steadily since debut but he was still lacking in a lot of ways. He didn’t have the natural bulk and power like Jaebum had, or the surprising strength that Mark had in his much leaner frame. Bambam was rail thin, muscled, but still weaker than even Jackson, an _omega_. His slender frame and perceived weakness was a sensitive subject for the young alpha, one that he never willingly liked to bring up so it surprised Jackson that BamBam so easily mention it as he asked for help, freely admitting to him that he wouldn’t be able to lift him by himself. It made him wonder exactly what he looked like, slumped on the shower floor, for BamBam to so readily admit weakness without hesitation, putting Jackson’s needs before his own pride so easily.

This spurred him to muster up the energy to help the young alpha and together they were able to unfold his body and get him out of the shower. The towel fell during the struggle, neither worried about keeping it up while trying to maneuver his weak and overly stiff body through the narrow shower door. Jackson almost immediately slumped onto the closed lid of the toilet, catching the towel when BamBam scooped it up off the floor and folding it over his lap. The young alpha stood back then, not muttering anything and simply waiting for Jackson to make the next move.

Jackson sighed and ran a hand through his wet hair, starting to feel cold as the room cooled. His hands soon settled in his lap, picking at the plush fabric of the towel while BamBam hovered waiting for him to do something. And Jackson knew he was the hyung in this situation, the one who was supposed to have the answers and not be falling apart at the seams, but somehow he didn’t feel like the hyung. He felt very much like an omega in this moment, stereotypically weak and dependent on the alphas around them. And he didn’t really know what to do when BamBam was staring at him, the dongsaeng looking at his hyung for guidance on where they go next in this situation.

Somehow, in this moment Jackson needed not to be the hyung, he needed to be the omega and let the alpha make the next move because he couldn’t find it in himself at the moment to do it himself. And yet BamBam wasn’t the alpha he needed, the one Jackson just knew would have the right answer and give him everything he didn’t even know he needed until it was right in front of him. BamBam wasn’t that alpha, too young to properly understand his instincts and still looking to him for answers, and neither was Mark, who would be able to offer him some semblance of comfort and direction but it wouldn’t be exactly what he really needed to perfectly put the omega at ease. The only alpha who could do this, be able to perfectly handle Jackson and make him feel just so at peace within himself in a way Jackson didn’t think possible until he met him, was miles away at the moment, back at their dorm most likely. Even thinking about Jaebum being so far away at this moment, this very moment when Jackson needed him and his unworldly alpha presence, hurt the omega down to the core in a completely unfamiliar sort of way. It took everything in him not to curl up and sink to the floor once more, completely lost.

BamBam cleared his throat awkwardly, shuffling his lanky limbs for a moment without making a move to approach Jackson who still sat on the toilet, feeling more exposed than he ever felt before. “Are you okay, hyung?” the young alpha seemed to force out hesitantly, trying to prompt Jackson to do something besides sit naked on the toilet.

“I’m fine. Just tired is all,” Jackson said somewhat lamely, unable to think of anything else to say while his emotions were going haywire and clouding his head.

BamBam gave him a clearly unconvinced look, glancing out towards the door once more hesitantly. He hemmed and hawed for a moment before taking a small step towards the door. “If you don’t want to talk about it with me I can go get Mark-hyung or Jinyoung-hyung if you’d rather.”

Jackson nearly tumbled off the toilet trying to stop the younger boy from taking a step closer to any of the other members. Perched awkwardly on the edge of the lid and just barely able to reach him, Jackson grabbed at the edge of BamBam’s shirt, ignoring how the boy immediately started complaining about not stretching out the fabric (“This is expensive, hyung!”).

“No, don’t get anyone. I’m really am just tired. No need to get anyone else involved and worry them needlessly.” Jackson tried to focus on the fact that his words had probably came out a touch more desperate than was strictly necessary.

BamBam, however, seemed to fixate on this fact, ceasing his complaining immediately. He gave Jackson a long serious look, too serious compared to BamBam’s usual composure, and then took a careful step towards the older man.

“Okay, I won’t get anyone,” he promised in a small voice, staring at the omega like he was some sort of wounded animal that would scare easily if he made the wrong move.

 Jackson, however, could only sigh in relief, not wanting anyone else witnessing him breaking down once more. He needed to get himself under control, he decided, hating how stereotypically weak he was feeling. He didn’t want to be this person, the one who falls apart for no reason even if I truly felt as if there was something seriously wrong at this moment that he couldn’t even describe. He was an idol, idols don’t fall apart, they couldn’t afford to. He had to be an idol, he reminded himself, and not his dynamic.

“Could you hand me my clothes?” Jackson asked BamBam, gesturing to the clothes he had sitting close to shower.

Jackson dressed slowly, BamBam hovering just outside the door when he determined that the omega seemed to be able to handle getting dressed by himself but still hovering close by just in case. Jackson came out of the bathroom stretching, trying to reenergize himself when all he wanted to do was crawl back in bed and wallow in his own self-misery brought on by the empty feeling in his gut. But crawling in on himself wasn’t going to help anyone, or make BamBam worry any less. Jackson needed to be strong, he reminded himself. And if he couldn’t be strong then he at least needed to pretend that he was okay. He just needed to get through the next few days, make to back to Korea and some semblance of normal, and then somehow he could figure out what to do next afterwards, whatever that may be.

Jackson plopped carelessly onto his bed only after fishing the room service menu out of the nightstand. He scanned it, shouting out items that sounded good to BamBam, trying to pretend everything was normal. BamBam, for his part, was mostly silent, still unsettled by the situation that had unfolded only a little bit ago. So Jackson smiled and joked, babbling on about the merits on one dish over another to fill the air and try and ease the tension.

This went on for some time, Jackson finally narrowing down the choices to a single dish and sat up, reaching for the phone when BamBam finally spoke. “Hyung,” he called softly and Jackson froze, his smile frozen on his face while he waited for whatever BamBam had to say, anticipating the damage before it was dealt.

“I may be young,” BamBam started, refusing to look up at the omega as he spoke, “and I may not be the most experienced alpha. But I am your friend. And if you ever need to talk about anything, I’ll be there for you.”

Jackson felt the smile-now hollow and empty like that feeling in his gut that sapped the energy and life right out of him-slowly melt of his face. He was silent for a long moment, staring almost miserably at the hotel phone in his hand that he had no intention of actually using now. The tension in the room was stifling, sucking the air of fake cheer Jackson had been able to muster up right out of him. That empty feeling in his gut seemed to gnaw at him even more intensely, seeping straight into his bones and locking him in place. The longer he sat there, allowing this empty feeling to grow and fester, the harder it was for him to breathe, like it was sucking the air right out of his lung along with any sort of emotional stability he have might possessed.

“I can’t right now,” Jackson found himself saying before he could even stop himself. BamBam looked up at him suddenly, obviously surprised by his answer and by the husky sound of Jackson’s voice, sounding like a harsh rasp from all his emotions threatening to swallow him all at once.

“I just don’t even think I can talk about it right now,” he started again, trailing off for a long moment while he tried to find the words. “I don’t,” he paused, shaking his head minutely, “I don’t even know what’s going on in this head of mine at the moment to even be able to let you in.   I think I need time to sort it out myself before I can do anything,” Jackson forced out, his voice losing volume with each word and finishing in a whisper while he refused to look up at the young alpha, staring at the phone in his hand.

Nothing moved in the room for a long moment, long enough to make Jackson fret that he had said the wrong thing and made the situation worse somehow. But then BamBam very calmly stood and plopped back down next to him, effortlessly wrapping his arms around him in a warm, tight, and very comforting embrace. BamBam leaned his cheek into Jackson’s shoulder for a moment, squeezing him even tighter as he spoke.

“That’s okay, hyung. I can wait. Take all the time you need to sort yourself out and if you need someone to talk to afterwards then I’ll be there for you,” he said simply, the words somewhat muffled as he spoke into Jackson’s shoulder but Jackson couldn’t help the soft smile that wormed its way onto his face.

Before Jackson could do anything BamBam released him and snatched up the little menu from where it was forgotten on the bed. He flopped carelessly on the bed in a move very similar to what Jackson had done earlier, rolling until he laying on his stomach and studying the menu.

“Should we order a soup too?” BamBam asked, obviously trying to ease the tension and move on. Jackson had to fight the urge to be violently affectionate with the young alpha.

The two did ended up ordering practically the whole menu, something Jaebum would surely chastise them for had he been there (before he demanded they share with him, of course). They spent the next few hours lazing about, eating and watching movies while they stayed curled up together on Jackson’s bed. Both Mark and Jinyoung poked their heads in at one point, Jinyoung barely hiding his disapproval at the mess they made with the room service while Mark had simply stole some food. They didn’t linger long, simply fulfilling their interim leader duties of checking in on the members to make sure they weren’t getting themselves in trouble. Yugyeom joined them soon after, stealing food and making himself comfortable on BamBam’s bed while they all watched a comedy.

The day was spent wasting away in this fashion, a nice way to distract Jackson from the ever-present hollow feeling in his gut. Jackson did finally force himself to actually get up for dinner, calling up his parents and arranging a quiet dinner for just the three of them back at his parent’s home. It was a surprisingly awkward affair. The lazy day did nothing to energize Jackson’s spirits as the empty soul-sucking feeling hung heavily in his gut and more than once during the meal did he wish he had never gotten out of bed to begin with. His father was mostly silent, his mind obviously very focused on something elsewhere, something important and worrisome by the tension in his shoulders. His mother seemed to be trying, very hard, to pretend that everything was normal, but there was just this gigantic elephant in the room that no one wanted to address.

Jackson was subconsciously waiting for it, for a certain line of questioning that just didn’t come, for whatever reason. It seemed like something his parents would want to know about, get an update on the situation. After all, Jackson’s parents were actually friends with Jaebum’s parents. Somehow the group was so close to one another that very naturally their parents started to drift closer to one another as well. It was very much a large family, so it would make sense for his parents to want to check in on the wellbeing of the members, especially when one was sick and injured. But the whole night it wasn’t mentioned once, none of the members mentioned at all in fact. It was as if the members didn’t exist during their dinner, everything involving them carefully avoided which actually limited the conversation for Jackson since they were all such a huge part of his daily life now.

And just when Jackson thought it was never going to happen, when he simply had no more energy left, no appetite left as he picked at the dessert his mother no doubt slaved over to make him, it came. They had settled into an uneasy silence as they consumed their sweet treat, his mother seeming to finally run out of safe topics. Jackson hadn’t really been paying much attention anymore, only looking up and noticing how uncomfortable and hesitant his mother looked when she cleared her throat slightly to get his attention.

“Did Jaebum arrive safely? Did he get settled in comfortably?”

The sound of Jaebum’s name being uttered made Jackson’s heart leap up into his throat and he swallowed with difficulty to try and clear the feeling. His heart was suddenly thrumming in his chest and it was like he was very suddenly hyperaware of every part of his body. He swallowed again, his mouth suddenly very dry as he tried to concentrate on something other than his body’s weird reaction to such a simple question, trying to focus on the fact that his mother had asked him a question he had yet to answer. He stalled by taking a sip of his drink with deliberate slowness, as if the slow pace somehow made him seem more in control than he actually felt.

He cleared his throat and licked at his lips, wetting them before he spoke. “As far as I know. Manager-hyung said that the travel wasn’t too hard on him and they made it back without much delay.”

Jackson found himself answering this way, deliberately not mentioning all the fans and Jaebum’s very clearly exhausted and slightly haggard appearance. Somehow Jackson felt it was important that his parents got the impression that Jaebum was anything but weak, like even this was nothing for their strong leader and alpha. The omega couldn’t justify why but he didn’t want his parents, or his father in particular who was an alpha himself, to think Jaebum was a lesser alpha because of this.

“Have you spoken to him?” his mother asked and Jackson tried to not to wince at the stab of pain he felt at the question.

“No, I haven’t,” he answered as blankly as he could, feeling the twinge of pain centered over his heart twist and dig deeper. The soul-sucking feeling in his gut seemed to fester too, churning the contents of him stomach in a sickly gross way and the omega had to swallow down the wave of nausea.

His mother hummed as an answer but Jackson couldn’t help suspecting that she was somehow pleased by the answer. Like somehow the distance between him and his alpha (his alpha, in terms of pack alpha, of course. Not _his_ alpha, because that would be preposterous) was a good thing. Jackson fought harder to not throw up all over the table.

Understandably, dinner wrapped up quickly after that and Jackson returned to the hotel instead of staying the night at his parents’ house. When Jackson got back to the hotel the members were together in Jinyoung’s room (and JB’s, too) once again, lounging around and eating left overs from all the food they had gotten earlier in the day as well as the food Jackson had bought for Jaebum the day before. Youngjae and BamBam were sitting by the foot of the bed and playing video games, an intense boss fight from the looks of it judging by Youngjae’s intense look of concentration and how BamBam currently had a piece of chicken hanging out of his mouth completely forgotten while he jumped around and smashed buttons on the controller as if he pressed them hard enough it will make his attacks stronger. Yugyeom was laughing at his same-aged friend, lying comfortably across the pillows of the bed Jaebum had previously called his own during the short visit. Both Mark and Jinyoung were lounging on Jinyoung’s bed, the former on his phone while latter had a book in his lap.

Jackson didn’t linger here long either, laying down at the foot of Jinyoung’s bed for a few minutes to watch Youngjae beat the boss while BamBam flailed about rather uselessly in terms of their teamwork. But the omega was simply too tired by the day to stay and put on a facade of normalcy. Jackson bid his goodnights, ignoring the twin looks of concern from the temporary leaders, and left just as BamBam jumped up in a victory dance and Junior began to scold him.

“BamBam, sit down before you choke on that chicken and stop making a mess. You’re flinging chicken everywhere,” Jackson could make out Junior saying as he closed the door and made his way down the hall to his own room.

The silence of his own room compared to the chaos that was the other room was somewhat jarring but Jackson took comfort in it. He kept the lights off as he moved around, letting the lights from the Hong Kong skyline light the room dimly. He dressed down for bed at an unhurried pace, moving about sluggishly. He did pause when he found Jaebum’s tank top among his clothes, the one he had borrowed to sleep in when they had returned from the festival and cuddled with Jaebum. Without thinking the omega pressed the fabric to his face, breathing in deeply the lingering almost intoxicating scent that was purely Jaebum, taking silent pleasure in the fact that his own scent was slightly mixed in with Jaebum’s in a way that was too perfect to be safe. Jackson quickly pulled the fabric away from his face, embarrassed by his own actions but still couldn’t stop himself from pulling the fabric over his head and breathing in the comforting scent as he climbed into bed.

Sleep was once again hard to come by, still worked up by the events of the day and the mysterious feelings and sensations he keep experiencing. He laid there for a long time, tossing and turning, lost in his own thoughts and misery. He did eventually dose off at some point, waking up when BamBam entered the room quietly and moved around the room, getting ready for bed and eventually settling in. Jackson pretended to sleep the whole time, not moving an inch until the young alpha’s breath had evened out as sleep overtook him and only then did Jackson feel like he could relax once more. He tossed and turned a little more, played on his phone for a little before trying to go back to sleep once more, with little success.

It was on a whim that Jackson picked his phone back up and dialed the number, not giving himself a chance to second guess things or talk himself out of it. He pressed the phone to his ear, listening to it ringing multiple times as his heart thrummed a mile a minute and he fidgeted under his blanket. The phone continued to ring, taunting him as he waited on bated breath. He was almost convinced he wasn’t going to answer and it was going to go to his voicemail when Jackson heard the click of the phone being answered and a tired voice on the other end.

“Hello?” Jaebum asked in an overly husky voice, the sound of it thick with sleep.

“Jaebum-hyung,” Jackson whispered back in greeting, suddenly very mindful of the sleeping Thai native next to him. He should have gotten up before he called Jaebum, he mentally scolded himself, and step in the bathroom or out into the hallway so he didn’t wake the younger boy. He should do that now, just in case, but he felt frozen in place. Just hearing Jaebum’s voice had his body going in overdrive once more and suddenly there was so much tension in every part of his body that he felt so taut he couldn’t even move.

“Is everything alright? It’s three in the morning,” Jaebum asked, the tiredness of his voice slightly obscured by the worry in it instead and maybe something else but Jackson didn’t know what it was.

Jackson pulled the phone away from his ear for a moment, checking the time and indeed noting that, with the hour time difference between Hong Kong and South Korea, it was three in the morning for JB. The omega must have woken him up.

“Sorry, hyung, I didn’t realize the time. I just wanted to call and check up on you. Did you make it back safely? Did you eat? Have you been resting? Are you in pain?” Once he had gotten going it was hard to stop, all his worry overflowing as he searched for reassurance that JB was indeed okay.

Jackson could hear JB sigh on the other end, stopping the omega from pestering him with another question. “I’m fine. Everything is fine. Just relax and enjoy the time you have at home,” Jaebum said, his tone cold and concise, very leader-ish.

Jackson wanted to feel some measure of comfort from the answer, hearing Jaebum say he was fine, but he just couldn’t. Jackson couldn’t help but notice he didn’t get a single answer to the questions he asked, instead getting a broad, very general kneejerk sort of reply, one JB always gave when anyone asked about his wellbeing. Jackson knew that JB didn’t like to share his problems with the other members, that he would rather go to one of their hyungs in some sort of misguided attempt to not burden the other members. And Jackson knew that all the members were sort of guilty of the same worry, that sharing their problems would burden others, but eventually they all seemed to break down eventually and it wouldn’t be long before everyone knew and offered comfort or advise. With the exception of Jaebum, however, it seemed as if he carried his problems to the grave with him. It killed Jackson to see this, to watch him struggle and then gloss over it with a general “I’m fine” to get other people off his back, that sharing his problems was too hard for him to do since he seemed to think that he wasn’t allowed to as leader.

Jackson also had to wonder when Hong Kong stopped feeling like home to him. Jaebum told him to enjoy the time he had at home, but all Jackson could think about was going back to South Korea and back to their dorm. Back to their lives with some sort of normalcy where they fight over the bathroom, or have to label food in fridge because some people get really territorial over certain things. Back to room hopping at three in the morning because someone’s room is too hot or too cold to comfortably sleep in or pushing at each other for the best spot on the couch. Back to watching their step because even with seven sets of eyes watching CoCo the little bugger always slips away and does her business all over the dorm. Hong Kong was always going to hold a place in his heart, without a doubt, but somehow it didn’t feel like home the way their cramped dorm felt. All Jackson wanted to do now was return to Korea (back to Jaebum’s side).

“Hyung,” Jackson tried to protest but was cut off.

“It’s late, Jackson, and I’m tired. Let’s just get some sleep.”

Jackson was silent for a long moment, fighting back the hurt and rejection he felt. He curled in on himself, rolling onto his side and pulling his legs up towards his chest while he cradled the phone to his cheek. “Okay,” he muttered in barely a whisper, sounding more than a little pathetic but he couldn’t even bring himself to care.

Jackson said his goodbyes after a moment of silence, hearing Jaebum hum on the other end before he pulled the phone away to hang up. He stopped, however, hearing Jaebum call after him urgently.

Jaebum seemed to hesitate once Jackson confirmed he was still there; a long few beat of silence hanging between them as Jackson waited for JB to figure out what he wanted to say. “Are you okay?” he asked the omega, his tone surprisingly raw and almost pained.

Jackson had to think it over, wondering what he could safely say and what he couldn’t. He thought about the soul-sucking feeling and the strange funk he’s been in since Jaebum left. He almost wanted to tell him about it, spill his guts and tell him about every little thing with excruciating detail. Somehow he had the feeling that Jaebum would understand, that he would know exactly what he meant and would be able to tell him exactly the thing he needed to hear to feel better. Somehow Jackson had the feeling that Jaebum was the only one who would be able to truly ease the tension and erase his pain.

But things like that are never that easy and Jackson knew that there would be some sort of cost, even if he didn’t understand what it was or could be. So instead he turned the tables on Jaebum, not really expecting an answer. “Are you?”

The question, like he had expected, hung between them for a while, no one daring to say a word. Jackson sighed, preparing to hang up once more when Jaebum finally spoke. “I don’t even know any more,” Jaebum admitted, and Jackson honestly couldn’t think of a time he had ever heard Jaebum sound so broken.

Jackson floundered with that to say to that, only managing to choke out a strange “hyung” as words failed him. Jaebum must not have planned to say it because he was quickly backpedaling, trying to get out of the conversation as quickly as possible.

“Let’s just say our goodbyes,” the alpha urged.

“Can you stay on the line with me?” Jackson asked quickly instead.

Jaebum hesitates again and Jackson can practically imagine the cautious look on his face. “Do you really think that’s a good idea?”

It did feel somewhat dangerous, though Jackson didn’t really know why. And honestly they both had Korean cell phone plans so this call was considered an international phone call and was already probably costing them both a small fortune. But all Jackson wanted was to throw caution to the wind and just enjoy this moment, take comfort in it. He didn’t want to think about anything else at the moment.

“Please,” he begged and he heard Jaebum sigh, giving in with a small hum of agreement.

No words were exchanged after that. There was a little shuffling around, the sound of the sheets being pulled as Jaebum settled himself into a new position. Both boys got comfortable, cradling their phones to their ears even as the small item started to warm with use. Only the sounds of their breathing passed between them. Jackson finally felt some semblance of peace, his nose still picking up the scent of Jaebum’s shirt he was currently wearing while he listened to the older boy’s breathing even out slowly as he too began to calm and drift to sleep. Jaebum drifted to sleep first, Jackson following soon after into a dreamless, but restful sleep.

 


	5. The Overwrought

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jaebum uses the time away from Jackson to come to terms with the changing events and make decisions about his future

Jaebum found that settling back into life in Korea was surprisingly not as easy as he had thought it would be. He had gotten home from the airport more than a little fuzzy. He had taken another pain pill as soon as they had touched down in Korea and crashed onto the couch as soon as he entered the dorm, barely getting his shoes off before he stumbled towards the couch. The manager helped settle him in, getting him a mountain of pillows and blankets and setting up a little nest for him right on the couch. He moved everything he might need close to him, his laptop, his phone, several bottles of water, chargers, his music book, and more of a random assortment of things.

“You know, I’m not an invalid. I can walk and take care of myself,” Jaebum had slurred groggily as his eyes drooped and sleep threatened to overtake him.

“I’m not taking chances,” the manager had answered, moving around their little dorm as Jaebum drifted to sleep.

Usually it was Seunghoon hyung who was the live-in manager, the one who stayed close to the boys to get make sure they woke up on time and got them to and from schedules, but since Seunghoon was still in Hong Kong with the rest of the members their other manager had temporarily been staying with Jaebum. The sling itself was more bothersome than Jaebum had originally suspected and, while Jaebum hadn’t been too thrilled at first to have someone hovering over him while he tried to clear his head, having someone else around the dorm to help Jaebum out was sort of a relief to true alpha, especially after a disastrous attempt at making dinner.

The day after Jaebum and the manager had taken the trip to the company building where the true alpha met with JYP himself and the CEO of the company. The older men had obviously been concerned about him, a fact that Jaebum had felt terribly about, so Jaebum tried to put his best foot forward during their brief meeting as to not worry the men any farther. They discussed releasing a statement about his injury, letting fans know that he indeed had a mishap on stage during rehearsal but he was fine and resting comfortably. At least for the next few days or so, that is. Another meeting was set up for the day that the members get back to discuss what exactly they are going to do about their schedules for the near future and if they can continue with their Japanese promotions like planned or if it will be bumped back so Jaebum can heal (Jaebum honestly doesn’t know which option he wanted more at this point).

Almost as soon as official word got out Jaebum was bombarded with messages from this person or another, asking if he was okay and if they could help in any way. He tried answering them at first, assuring his friends and family that he was fine, but as the messages kept coming it became more and more overwhelming. Junho, whom he had met as he was leaving the company building after his meeting, ended up taking the phone and turning it off so he could have a few moments of peace. The hyungs from 2pm treated Jaebum to dinner that night, not commenting on the fact that Jaebum still hadn’t showered or changed since getting back because it was simply too hard for him to do at the moment without help and his pride wouldn’t let him. They also didn’t comment on how Jaebum very naturally switched from cola to liquor during the meal, not slowing down for a moment. Junho and Wooyoung came home with Jaebum that night, helped him wash up a bit, returned his phone to him, and then tucked him into bed.

Jaebum woke up the next morning still a little blurry and with a huge headache. His phone was still next to him from his late night call from Jackson last night, a moment of weakness he allowed himself while alcohol still clouded his judgment. The minutes on the phone were still ticking when he looked at it but when he held the phone to his ear there was no sound or any sort of indication that someone was on the other end. Jaebum hung up the phone quickly, not sure if Jackson was actually still on the other end or not but not wanting to chance it.

Wooyoung had already left but Junho was still at the dorm when Jaebum finally was able to roll out of bed, already ladling out a heaping serving of hangover soup into a bowl when the true alpha entered the kitchen. Jaebum went straight to the fridge and grabbed a water bottle before he spent the next few minutes struggling and cursing the thing when the bottle cap refused to come off for him one-handed. The older man watched him struggle for a moment as he moved around the small kitchen and prepared their breakfast before wordlessly taking the bottle from him and twisting off the cap effortlessly.

“Come on, breakfast is ready,” he said instead of commenting on Jaebum’s fight with the bottle.

Breakfast was a mostly quiet affair; Junho filling the air with mindless chatter at first before he seemed to realize that Jaebum’s hangover and general mood didn’t exactly make for pleasant conversation. The alcohol had given Jaebum a rather unpleasant headache and despite the fact that he had already taken medication it didn’t seem to be getting any better, almost making him want to break out his pain pills once more even though he had already been trying to wean himself off them. It didn’t help that the nagging _something_ that had been hovering on the edge of his perceptions was particularly persistent today, making his headache even worse as he fought to try and ignore it.

Putting distance between him and Jackson did seem to help clear his head a bit. Without Jackson being so close to him, and without his invading feelings, Jaebum felt like he could breathe and function like a normal human being. Returning home had been a wonderful idea, allowing him time to slowly adjust to the limitations of his injury without having to worry about how his every action might affect Jackson. It also gave him time to attempt to sort of his feelings about the omega, but that endeavor hadn’t gone well since he found himself drinking heavily when he thought too much on the subject. Still, at least for the moment, things were better.

Better, but not fixed. While distance did seem to help a bit, there was still a very worrying and, frankly annoying, something that hovered on the edges of his perception. It took Jaebum a little to figure out exactly what it was, everything that was happening between him and Jackson very suddenly spilling over after silently building up and leaving Jaebum uncertain about where to start first. It seemed distance had dampened the effects of the new development between them. Jaebum was currently too far for all of Jackson’s feelings to bombard him like they had done in Hong Kong, though the distance didn’t make him immune to it like he had hoped. Instead it seemed as if there was just a lingering sense of the omega, something small that Jaebum could mostly push aside and not focus on but was still there, hovering and letting the alpha know exactly how the omega was doing at seemingly all times.

It was this reason why Jaebum knew that Jackson had a long day yesterday. Jaebum had woken up feeling utterly miserable, his mood affected by the odd sensation of having Jackson in the back of his head that was obviously feeling more miserable than Jaebum really knew what do about. The miserable feeling lasted all through his meeting with JYP and the CEO, even while he tried to ease the two men’s worries and pretend that he was more than okay when he clearly wasn’t. The feeling eventually evened out during the afternoon, in time for his own headache to form from the official word getting out and the flood of messages. The miserable feeling returned during dinner, while Jaebum attempted to sort out his feelings for the omega’s but quickly stopped that and turned to drinking instead, affected both by his own tumultuous thoughts and feelings as well as whatever was upsetting Jackson.

And it was also why he had given into Jackson over the phone. With alcohol clouding his judgment and the sting of hurt and rejection his words had caused, Jaebum had given in and stayed on the phone with the omega, anything to ease the omega’s troubled emotions. His actions rewarded him with a very contented omega, the odd bond between them allowing the alpha to know just how happy and at peace Jackson was for the first time all day. And with the pleasant hum of Jackson’s feeling thrumming through his body, as well as the alcohol still warming him and making him sluggish, Jaebum had drifted easily off to sleep.

Even now, as he nursed a headache and shoved as much soup and rice in his mouth as he could at one time, Jaebum could feel Jackson. It was like a persistent hum, flowing easily and pleasantly through him, warming him better than the soup was. It was sort of fuzzy and languid, but contented like the night before and somehow, even if Jackson was miles away, the alpha just knew the omega was still sleeping. The dreamy happy feelings flowing through him almost made him want to give him and just bask in it, take silent comfort and enjoyment out of it, and he hated himself for it. It was as if there was a war within his own body, an instinctual part of him that begged to give in and allow Jackson inside of him while the rational emotionally guard part of him rejected the idea (out of fear of the unknown, maybe, Jaebum wasn’t even sure anymore). The two sides warred for dominance in his body, tearing him to pieces and leaving him raw, exposed, and weary down to the bone. Jaebum had thought that being an idol was hard work and left him more tired than possible but that was before this happened. Now it felt as if he had reached a brand new threshold of weariness and pain.

“Any plans for today?” Junho asked him after some time and it took Jaebum, so caught up his own thoughts, a moment to realize his hyung had even spoke. Junho kindly repeated the question without commenting, seeming to know when Jaebum needed someone to push him into talking about his problems and when to leave him alone. Now was one of those times that Jaebum just needed to stew by himself, though he knew that as soon as he was ready to talk to anyone about it that he could always go to Junho without judgment.

“I have a doctor’s appointment,” Jaebum answered after a moment, trying to remember what day it was when his brain so felt scrambled.

Junho had schedules so the two didn’t linger and waste time. After breakfast wrapped up the two moved about the kitchen together to clean up a little, putting the food away and leaving the dishes in the sink for later. Junho did manage to convince a reluctant Jaebum to help him wash up more than simply splashing his face with water like they had did the night before. Jaebum wasn’t prepared for a full shower just yet, he was still really bruised to the point that it hurt to even touch it a little and actually moving his arm out of the sling felt like a losing battle. Much to Jaebum’s embarrassment, Junho sat him down in the shower and washed his hair for him, being careful not to get the sling wet. Jaebum flat out refused to remove the sling, his pain tolerance high but not that high considering he was trying not to use his pain pills, but together the two managed to give Jaebum a sponge bath of sorts until he was up for an actual shower, working around the sling and working under his shirt with difficulty but getting the job done.

By the time the manager had arrived, who had taken the night off and returned to his own home since Junho and Wooyoung had promised to take care of Jaebum, the alpha was in a much cleaner state but significantly more grumpy. Jaebum had changed into a new pair of underwear and a clean pair of sweatpants, something easy for him to be able to maneuver with one hand. The tank top, unfortunately, wasn’t coming off unless he took off the sling but at that point Jaebum was beyond caring. Already grumpy from the embarrassment of needing help to take care of his most basic needs, his mood had not improved when he could feel that Jackson had woken up and the pleasant dreamy hum had disappeared very quickly. The omega’s mood wasn’t nearly as low as it had been the day before but it still lower than Jaebum was comfortable with and it was affecting his mood as well. Jaebum tried to get himself together and rein in his emotions while Junho departed for his schedules and he and the manager climbed into one of the company cars heading towards the hospital.

Jaebum was actually well versed with coming to the hospital, not necessarily for injuries but for regular appointments with the dynamic physician there. Dr. Nam was a general physician, able to counsel and treat them for bumps and bruises as well minor illnesses like the flu or colds that they were all prone to get from their busy schedules. However, he specialized in dynamic medicine and he had a long working relationship with JYPE so he was well used to seeing all the boys come in and out of his office, though he did see BamBam, Jaebum, and Jackson more often than the other boys. Jackson, as an omega, had regular heats and required medication to regulate them, the medication making his heats shorter and less intense while also allowing him to “schedule” them every four months rather than every month. BamBam, too, as a new fledging alpha, required fairly regular visits to monitor how he was growing and measure the amount of hormones suppressants he may or may not need. Too little hormone suppressants and the boy could be more volatile and ruled by his hormones, a dangerous thing for an idol, but too much hormone suppressants and it stopped his body from properly growing and maturing into the alpha he was meant to be; it was a careful balance that needed to be established and maintained.

In Jaebum’s case, as a true alpha his body automatically produced more of the alpha hormones than a regular alpha. It made him more volatile and he did struggle for a long time with his anger issues. Jaebum hated how his hormones tended to rule him a bit and had readily gone on the hormone suppressants when he became a trainee and readily upped the dosage with a much stricter regimen when Jackson started training as well to be a part of their group. However his body, as it turned out, became to develop a tolerance to the medications, which wasn’t completely uncommon but certainly not at the rate Jaebum’s body was developing it at. Jaebum had been on a number of different kinds of medication over the years, testing to see which one worked best and which ones didn’t, and steadily increasing the dosages until he was on multiple medications at one time that seemed to be working best as a combination, at least for the moment.

Jaebum arrived at seemingly the perfect time, barely having to wait long with the manager before he was being taken to an examination room and getting his blood drawn, as usual. From there he was escorted to Dr. Nam’s office. Dr. Nam joined him after only a moment, carrying his file and greeting Jaebum kindly since the two had known each other for a long time at this point. The hospital in Hong Kong, per the manager’s request, had sent over all of Jaebum’s scans and tests to Dr. Nam so after the initial small talk about how Jaebum was adjusting to the injury Dr. Nam was able to pull up the x-ray and familiarize both of them with the injury.

He pointed to a line in the scan, running his finger along what Jaebum thought was the bone. “It looks like a fairly clean break, you’re lucky. The bones are lined up well, and as long it doesn’t shift while you are trying to heal, it shouldn’t be too bad a recovery for you,” the doctor assured.

They spent some time talking about the injury, about does and don’t when healing, about how the next couple weeks were going to look like. Jaebum would have to continue coming in for regular check up to see how he was healing, and only after he reached a certain point would be he able to start using the arm again and start physical therapy to strengthen his arm once more. Dr. Nam didn’t want to start him on physical therapy too quickly, however, even if being in the sling and not being able to use his arm did hinder him as an idol. Pushing it when the bone wasn’t properly healed yet could set them back once more and make the injury worse so Dr. Nam, who knew Jaebum was prone to pushing himself to his limits, was going to be watching the injury very closely and also talking to the higher ups at JYPE to make sure they were watching him as well.

Jaebum was hesitant to bring up the next subject, but it was something he felt did need to be addressed. “I think we may need to up my dosage of hormone suppressants again,” he said after a long moment of hesitation.

Dr. Nam paused his pen over his prescription pad, where he had been writing Jaebum a prescription for a different kind of pain pill that he hoped would be better for the younger male since he had expressed a reluctance to use the ones he had been given in Hong Kong. Jaebum watched as the older man blinked, letting the words set in for a moment before he shuffled his papers around to find what he was looking for. They always drew blood when Jaebum or the other boys came in so they could run hormone tests, and while he would have to wait for the result from the blood he drew today, the hospital in Hong Kong had fortunately did a full workup and sent the results along with the scans. Dr. Nam flipped through the pages for a moment before he found the results to he was looking for and studied the results.

“Hmm,” the doctor hummed and Jaebum nervously chewed on his bottom lip before he realized what he was doing and forced himself to stop. “Your hormone levels are elevated once more. You had been doing so well with the current regimen, I had hoped this could last you a bit longer. How have you been feeling? Any noticeable changes?”

Jaebum nodded, taking a moment to rub at his temple to try and relieve the pain. Even now he could feel the omega hovering just in his senses, making it hard for him to concentrate. The omega was in a mood, disgruntled over something currently, and it was hard for Jaebum to sort out his own feelings while he tried to process Jackson’s as well. It was a very noticeable change in Jaebum’s life, one no doubt linked to the hormone changes as well, but it wasn’t something he felt he could readily share with the doctor.

“Yeah,” he found himself saying instead of spilling his guts. “I feel a bit more volatile when I’m with other alphas and I sort of have to stop myself not to get ahead of myself and fight for dominance.” Jaebum intentionally decided not to mention that the alpha he wanted to fight was the father of the omega that his inner alpha decided was perfect for him.

Dr. Nam nodded and hummed in thought, taking a moment to look over his folder for another moment. “I’m reluctant to increase your dosage again. You are already almost at the max dosage you can safely take. You already face some side effects but if we up the dosage again you’ll probably be affected more by these side effects. It’s ultimately up to you, but I advise you to seriously consider if you think it’s in any way manageable before we increase the dosage.”

It was true that Jaebum was familiar with side effects though he wasn’t particularly worried about it now. For years now he had been living with the minor side effects of taking hormones suppressants, including mild mood swings, fatigue, increased susceptibility to illness, some digestive issues and eating problems, headaches, and sometimes even sleeping problems. For the most part, these little happenings weren’t that serious and didn’t really disrupt his life too much. There was a risk for some more serious side effects, like an increased risk of painful stomach ulcers and even rarer risk of some liver problems but these have never affected Jaebum so he didn’t worry about it too much.

The three major side effects that regularly plagued were probably the digestive issues, fatigue, and susceptibility to illness. Their hectic schedules as well as being the leader was extremely taxing, especially when he took it as his personal mission to manage all six of his brats at all times. As a result, he was always the first one to want to take a nap and was affectionately dubbed “Grandpa Jaebum” both by the members and the fans but the fatigue didn’t get in the way too much with their lifestyle. Even constantly getting sick didn’t affect him too much, most of the time able to push through it and still attend schedules, though the members were good at covering for him if he did have to miss one. With all seven of them crammed into one dorm, leading hectic lives that could lead to illness at times, it was pretty much a given that if someone got sick in the dorm they would eventually give it to Jaebum. It was almost a running joke at this point. Honestly, it wasn’t all the surprising that Jaebum had been the one to get sick and end up hurting himself in Hong Kong considering how often he got sick. And after an unfortunate farting incident during the filming of “Real GOT7”, everyone already sort of knew that Jaebum sometimes had problems digesting food properly, a fact he was open about later while filming “Got2Day”. It didn’t stop him from eating what he wanted as long as he wasn’t on a diet. He loved food after all and he didn’t really care all too much if he has to use the bathroom later on. These were minor inconveniences and he just lived with them.

To him, he would much rather deal with the side effects-since they weren’t too much and how bad could they seriously be after he ups the dosage?-than feel so out of control like he was right now. It was his hope that if he could get his hormones under better control he would be able to better sort out his real feelings about Jackson and this whole thing. At the moment, with Jackson still clouding his head, he didn’t know what he was feeling and what Jackson was feeling. It was as if both were jumbled together inside him. He didn’t feel like he could trust himself to really know what he was feeling at the moment and he hoped that if he upped the dosage of his medications that he would feel the effects of whatever was happening between the two of them less. Maybe then he would be able to sort everything out, hopefully before he meets Jackson again face-to-face, though that was probably wishful thinking on his part.

“I want to up the dosage,” Jaebum said after a moment, firmly and with complete certainty.

The doctor nodded slowly, like he had already expected the answer and maybe he did considering he had known Jaebum for enough years to know how he worked. Still, he didn’t seem too pleased by the answer but it didn’t stop him from slowly start writing a new prescription for him.

“Well, just be mindful of how you are feeling and if you feel any noticeable changes or side effects that trouble you come in right away and we can see if we need to change the dosage. You aren’t close to mating, are you?” he asked, innocently.

Jaebum fought the urge to throw up. It was an innocent question, one he had been asked a million times. Every time they increase the dosage or switch him to a different medication Dr. Nam always asked, needing the reassurance before he prescribed a medication that would alter his natural hormone balance. Mating was a natural process, and a very intricate and powerful one that influenced a person’s hormones greatly. Even on suppressants, when a person starts the mating process, when their body recognizes their soulmate in a strange mysterious way that science still can’t explain today, it’s like a switch is flipped and their hormones skyrocket. The hormones will eventually even out and balance, a few weeks or even months after the mating depending on how strong the connection is between the two people, when the “honeymoon phrase”, as its called, wears off. But Dr. Nam always asked if he was close to mating before he changed his prescription, looking for a reason for the change besides Jaebum’s incredible tolerance. Jaebum always answered no, and truthfully too, but he knew now that if he answered truthfully, if he admitted that that his body was telling him that he was close to mating with Jackson (despite the fact that Jaebum was trying very hard to ignore this fact and smother it down) then the older man would not prescribe him the higher dosage.

Jaebum hesitated long enough that Dr. Nam paused his writing, looking up at him suspiciously. “You aren’t, right?”

“What?” Jaebum forced out dumbly instead, trying to gather his wits.

Dr. Nam put down the pen, staring blankly at Jaebum for a long moment. “You aren’t close to mating, right? Because if you are I can’t safely up the dosage of your suppressants. Fighting your body’s natural biology is a losing battle and those side effects we touched on become a much realer thing,” he warned coolly.

Jaebum swallowed thickly but tried to play it cool. Honestly, a part of him knew that this was a desperate attempt and it might not work. He had read enough about mating, those sex-ed classes drilling it into his brain that mating was a very powerful process that couldn’t be stopped once it started. Mating changes everything about a person. It changes their very core to accept another person into them in such an intricate way that only death could separate them.

But, at this point, Jaebum was desperate enough to want to give it a try. He liked Jackson; there was no doubt about that. He found him charming, and kind, and admired him for his strength and his dedication. He had honestly never met anyone like Jackson before and, as the Hong Kong native was such a one of a kind person, he knew that he was never going to meet anyone else like him. He knew he was lucky to have him in his life, to have the bright smile there to brighten his day, to have the constant support for everything he did, to have the strength holding the group together in a way that he would never be able to do despite being the leader. And if he was completely honest with himself, he was attracted to Jackson, in a surprisingly sexual way that he didn’t really dare allow himself to think about, in a way that he wasn’t truly comfortable admitting to, even to himself.

But to actually mate with him, while he would obviously be the luckiest guy in the world, felt so dangerous. Jaebum wasn’t ready for that, despite what his body was telling him. He felt so overwhelmed by all these changes happening, not ready for this level of commitment when he was so young still, not when GOT7 as a group was still so young and had goals and places that they still wanted to be. Jaebum dreamed out his future, and what it would look like for both himself and GOT7, and this hadn’t been apart of that dream. And Jaebum was scared, more scared than he had even been before, holding onto the simpler ways before all of this started to happen, hoping and wishing, fighting against his body and a destiny he didn’t know he really believed in at the moment, trying to stop the changes before they got out of his control. Because Jaebum liked to be in control, as one of the oldest in the group, as the leader, as the pack alpha he needed to be the one who had control over things. And he had never felt more out of control as he was now, his body changing without his consent and altering his behavior, his thoughts, his instincts.

Not to mention there would be no hiding while in a mated relationship. Already Jaebum was getting a taste of it, able to feel Jackson even now, and it already felt like too much. Jaebum had a lot going on at all times, as the leader, and that weight is heavy on his shoulders. The burden he carries lies solely with him and he wasn’t the kind to off load his burdens on someone else. Instead, he took on more, taking care of the members and trying to be the one to ease whatever burdens they may have. But if he mated with Jackson, he would be opening himself up to another person in a way he never had before. Every little thing that he felt would be left out in the open just like how Jaebum was already aware of what the omega was currently feeling. He could hide nothing, he would be an open book for the first time in his life, and he certainly wasn’t ready for that. If he was scared of being out of control, he was terrified of the idea of opening up to Jackson and truly letting him, or anyone for that matter, in. Most people dreamed about finding their mate, romanticized it, but Jaebum had always been one of those people who didn’t want any of that. Maybe he was just better off on his own.

So he lied, as coolly as he could. “No, I’m not,” he assured the doctor, trying desperately to get his hands on the new medication, a weapon against his own body for control.

Dr. Nam said nothing, staring at him blankly for a long moment, enough to make the true alpha worry if he was convincing enough. Jaebum tried to keep his cool, in a sudden stare down, tried to appear unaffected by the lie he just told. And, thankfully, Dr. Nam took a deep breath and picked his pen back up and continued to scribble down the rest of the prescription. Jaebum swallowed back his relief, tried not to let it show that he knew he dodged a bullet.

The doctor finished his scribbling and ripped the sheet from his prescription pad, handing it over to Jaebum slowly. He didn’t release it though, holding it until Jaebum looked him in the eyes seriously. “If you feel even the slightest change, you call me, alright? Your health is very important, so you make sure you call,” he said slowly, his words heavy with significance. He was suspicious of him, Jaebum knew, but he didn’t have any solid evidence besides increased hormone levels to really come to any conclusion.

“I will,” Jaebum assured, if only to end this moment.

Dr. Nam almost reluctantly released the paper in his hands, relinquishing it to the younger male, and the two didn’t linger long. The doctor walked Jaebum out of the office, taking him back towards the waiting room where his manager was waiting for him, all the while repeating his directions to call him. Jaebum half-heartedly assured him he would, trying to appear sincere, but wanting nothing more than to escape this situation. The prescription in his hand felt heavy, despite the fact that it was only a mere scrap of paper, and worry, anxiety and guilt plagued him. He felt as if he was playing with fire, suddenly unsure if he was making the right decision, and Dr. Nam’s incessant worrying was doing nothing to help the situation. Jaebum excused himself as fast and as politely as possible as soon as greeted his manager in the waiting room.

Idly Jaebum was aware of Jackson’s anxiety suddenly spiking alongside him. Throughout the morning the omega’s mood had been fairly even, sort of low still but still fairly even despite it all. But soon he felt his own anxiety rising, clutching the seemingly innocent piece of paper in his hand, and then Jackson’s mood soon followed his own, mixing together seamlessly until Jaebum couldn’t tell what he was actually feeling at the moment or who was more anxious.

They went straight to the pharmacy from the hospital to drop off the prescription and then out for lunch while they waited for it to be ready. Jaebum couldn’t actually stomach anything at the moment, too much worry and anxiety twisting and muddling up his stomach. He picked at his food, his heart thumping wildly in his chest, his head pounding, and a thick knot in his stomach. Luckily the manager seemed to know that something was wrong so they didn’t linger long at the restaurant and they returned back to the dorm after picking up the prescriptions.

Jaebum curled up on the recliner as soon as he got home, deliberately not looking at the pills now resting on the kitchen counter like they would disappear if he didn’t acknowledge them. The manager eyed him suspiciously, no doubt wondering what the hell his problem was, but Jaebum just continued to ignore him and tried to get his anxiety under control. He must have sat there for at least a half hour, both his and Jackson’s tumultuous emotions running through him without reprieve, before he sighed and reached out for his phone.

It rang only twice before a familiar voice greeted him on the other side. “Hey, Mom,” he greeted back slowly.

As a parent, Jaebum’s mother always worried about him, especially since he had proven to run himself into the ground and injure himself in the past. Jaebum made sure to call his mother while he was in the hospital in Hong Kong, not wanting to leave her out of the loop, and it wasn’t the first time in his short career so far that she had gotten a similar call from him since he had been sidelined with injuries before. But it had been the first time an injury had happened when he was out of country, when she didn’t have the option of driving up to see him and hold his hand while he got treatment, and Jaebum knew this fact affected his mother more than she was willing to admit. Since then he had been making an effort to call home more, and since he really had nothing to do for awhile besides sit and try not to move his shoulder too much, he had been calling her everyday since getting back to Korea. Most of time they didn’t talk about anything important, idly chitchat just to check in with one another.

“What are you doing?” Jaebum asked, idly looking around for the TV remote just for some background noise. The dorm was entirely too quiet, with the manager having stepped out some time ago for a personal matter and with the none of the members there to fill up the space. Unless they schedules that included all of them, someone was always at the dorm making some noise and to suddenly be so alone in the quiet dorm was unnerving Jaebum when he was already on edge. The news flickered to life, some beautiful anchorwomen detailing a new study on the effects of hormone suppressants or something as equally as bland. Jaebum changed the channel quickly.

“I’m making dinner and watching my drama,” his mother said, her voice somewhat far away and he could just picture her in the kitchen, standing at the stove with the phone next to her on speakerphone.

“What channel?” Jaebum asked, quickly changing the channel so that they were watching the same program.

It was one of the more popular dramas airing at the moment. Yugyeom, as a drama addict, had made them all watch an episode or two when he took over the TV and refused to budge if someone else wanted to watch something else. Jaebum himself hadn’t minded it so much, the sort of person who could sit down and enjoy an episode or two without really getting invested in it like Yugyeom, but for the moment he was content to sit here and enjoy watching this with his mother, if only by a distance. They didn’t really talk much besides his mother explaining things and catching him up on the events of the show since he wasn’t a diligent watcher like her and had missed episodes. The premise of the show, however, focused on a couple destined to mate, and did nothing to distract him from his own problems.

“What’s mating like?” he found himself asking impulsively during a commercial break.

His mother seemed to pause for a moment, hesitating. He could hear some shuffling and then her voice was suddenly closer as she spoke, having picked up the phone and taken it off speaker.

“Honest answer, it’s scary as hell at first,” she answered seriously.

“Can you tell me about it?” he questioned softly, his voice frailer than he would have hoped.

He had heard the story before, many times actually. It was the kind of story his parents told him when he was younger repeatedly, trying to teach him before he grew up into the true alpha he was meant to be that while wonderful and fulfilling in ways they could never truly explain, it wasn’t all that dramas romanticized it to be. Jaebum had honestly heard the story so many times that he could probably tell it just as well as his parents could, a fact he used to roll his eyes about when he was in his rebellious teenager stage. Now, however, in light of the recent developments in his own life, he found a new appreciation for it.

“Your father, as the alpha, started to feel it first and I remember feeling really annoyed when he started acting much more clingy to me, reaching out to me whenever the slightest thing happened,” his mother started, a smile in her voice.

“Because you were an independent omega woman who didn’t need an alpha to take care of her,” Jaebum finished for her, smiling softly.

His parents hadn’t been one of those “love at first sight” couples. They had known each other for years, their parents having been good friends, but hadn’t shown each other any particular inclination to go beyond friends. The transition into something more was gradual, like him and Jackson if he thought about it, where things just started changing day by day without rhyme or reason. But once it did it was as if everything leading up to it made sense that they just never understood before.

“Yes, you’re exactly right,” his mother laughed into the phone, her voice fond. “The slightest fluctuation in my emotions and he was just suddenly there to pamper me and I was so angry with him for a long time. Of course, he felt my anger, even if he didn’t know what caused it, and tried to calm my temper, which made me even madder. I didn’t understand why he was acting so strangely until the bond began to strengthen and I began to feel him like he felt me.”

She paused for a moment, collecting her thoughts. “It was scary and I felt so out of control for a long time. Everything was just sort of bundled together inside of me, filling me to the brim so wildly that I just felt as if I was going to burst at any second. It was overwhelming and downright terrifying.”

Jaebum nodded on his side of the line, understanding her really for the first time. He had heard this story many times before but he never truly understood how she and his father must have felt like until he was suddenly in their shoes. He felt raw and overexposed, and intensity of his and Jackson’s combined anxiety churning in his chest physically hurt. It just hurt-his head, his heart, his very _core_ -and he just wanted it to stop.

“Does it every stop?” he asked brokenly, probably giving more away than he had meant to.

His mother said nothing for a long moment and Jaebum could almost picture her mind working to put the pieces together. His mother was a smart woman and even she had been looking at him and Jackson more and more in the past few months but, like everyone else, had dismissed their suspicions for the time being. And she knew her son, knew all his bad habits and little tendencies, knew when he was being serious and needed a good talk or if he was just bored and asked a question to fill the air. And even if they were miles apart and only having this conversation by phone, he knew without a doubt that he had revealed too much and his mother was now aware of the growing situation he had with the omega. He waited in tortured silence, waiting for whatever remark his mother was going to make which would no doubt destroy him, force him to confront everything he didn’t want to face. He cursed himself for getting himself into this situation, for letting his own weakness get the better of him if even for a moment.

But she didn’t say anything about it. “No, it doesn’t, baby,” she cooed to him gently instead, as if she knew she was giving him the answer he didn’t want to hear, but still had to say it. She said it gently as if it would lessen the blow if she whispered it softly.

Jaebum said nothing, letting that sink in. Despite knowing already knowing the truth it wasn’t the answer he wanted, it wasn’t the light at the end of the tunnel he had hoped for. He knew mating was permanent and life changing, but he still felt so unprepared for it all. He was terrified and he didn’t want to face what was happening to him, no matter how selfish that made him, and he had been hoping against hope to just put everything on hold for awhile-at least until he felt ready-despite everything he had been taught in the past about how mating works. But his mother wasn’t one to mince words, she wouldn’t lie about something so important to make him feel better, and she wasn’t going to start now.

“But, honey,” his mother began, “despite it being scary and overwhelming, it’s worth it. Once you mate, once you actually give in and let the bond take hold, everything changes. Everything evens out and this person becomes a part of you in such a way that you just feel _whole_ for the first time in your life. All the different emotions blending together never goes away, but it’ll become as easy as breathing, baby, and you’ll never want to go back. I promise you, baby, once the bond settles it’ll feel like the best thing that has ever happened to you, I promise,” she repeated, her tone earnest and comforting.

Jaebum sighed, rubbing at his temples to try and ease the ache. They always said there was no point in fighting the bond, that if it were meant to be then it would happen and there wasn’t anything anyone could do about it. They were soulmates, by no means a perfect pair but they were two like souls that would compliment one another in a fundamental way and complete each other like no one else could. The two souls gravitated towards one another, moving when the other moved, dancing around one another in an intricate and purely unconscious way. He had seen his parents do it a thousand times, communicating with one another without needing words or even looking at each other, simply knowing what the other needed at any giving moment, sometimes before the other really knew they needed it themselves. It seemed unfathomable to him to think that somehow destiny and his own instinctual primal alpha side had chosen Jackson to be his soulmate, to compliment him.

“How did you deal with it?” he asked, overwhelmed and pushing aside all of his worries and insecurities for a moment so he could seek honest answers from his mother, someone he knew he could trust with this.

His mother sighed heavily. “Just give into it, allow yourself to feel comfort from your mate. If you try and fight it you’ll drive yourself mad and end up hurting yourself and your mate too. But if you give in, everything will just fall into place and you’ll feel better. I promise you. It won’t be easy, and it will take time for you to get used to it, but you’ll feel better and _whole_.”

It wasn’t what he wanted to hear, and his mother knew this, but she wasn’t going to lie to him, especially in this situation, to make him feel better. He knew, even before she said it, that this was the only way for this to truly be resolved, and, for a moment, he tried to imagine what it would feel like to give into this odd thing between him and the handsome omega. He could still feel Jackson’s anxiety twisting away at him, slowly driving him mad, and he focused on it. He allowed himself a moment of weakness, to stop ignoring this strange bond between them and allow himself to really feel it. When he took a moment to center himself and really truly focused, even despite the distance, he could almost grasp it. It was like little tendril of emotions seeping in and with a lot of effort he could almost separate his feelings from Jackson’s. It was hard to do, it was like there was this strange overwhelming onslaught and it was so very hard to sort everything out. Maybe he was getting a little more used to it, maybe the distance was helping, or maybe just giving in even for a moment instead of violently shoving it away was the key, but despite how overpowering it all was, when he took a deep breathe and tried to calm his own festering anxieties, he could sort of separate things and focus solely on Jackson, who he discovered was feeling much less anxiety than he was.

He focused on Jackson’s somewhat calmer state, allowed himself to feel what Jackson was feeling instead of his own stronger anxiety. He fixated on the calmer emotional state, concentrating on the omega and only on the omega, and before long he slowly felt his own body starting to relax to match up with Jackson’s. Jackson wasn’t nearly as calm as Jaebum would have hoped, still dealing with his own anxieties all the way in Hong Kong, but he was much calmer than Jaebum was and when the alpha synced up with him even the lesser degree of turmoil felt like heaven and seemed like a world of difference.

Jaebum sighed heavily, loving the feeling of relief after being plagued all day but hating himself for giving in. He felt weak for letting his resolve slip and allowing himself this moment of peace. Because while his body relaxed- his stomach stopped churning as intensely and his breath started to come easier-the relief also brought him one step closer to accepting this bond, closer to something he wasn’t ready for. He had been fighting this bond tooth and nail for so long, when all these changes really started happening and even before that, and for the first time he was consciously giving into this. And the relief he felt, giving in even for a moment while completely conscious and without any alcohol or medication clouding his judgment, cut him deep with just how good it felt despite how acutely he didn’t want it to.

“Are you still there?” his mother asked, snapping Jaebum out of his thoughts.

He choked out a grunt of acknowledgment, only able to get that much out for a moment before he was able to collect himself. “I’m tired,” he started quietly with a sigh, “I think I’m going to go lay down.”

His mother, to her credit, didn’t try to hold him on the phone and force him to talk. He knew she was itching to speak with him after he had revealed, in a roundabout way, life-changing news. This wasn’t something one could brush aside, and he knew she wouldn’t let this go, but she would give him time first. She knew how overwhelming it was without having his nagging mother adding to the turmoil.

“Call me tomorrow,” she said softly, but strongly.

“I will,” he promised, knowing she would only call him repeatedly to check in on him if he didn’t.

“It’s going to be okay, baby. I love you,” she assured him quickly but sincerely before he hung up.

“I love you too,” he muttered back, trying to take comfort from her assurance but not really able to while he still felt so confused and scared.

He hung up quickly and slowly climbed out of the recliner to go to the bathroom. On the way back to the to the living room Jaebum stopped into the kitchen, getting a glass of water. He paused, staring at the prescription bottle sitting innocently on the counter and he felt his breath hitch in his chest for a moment as he contemplated it. The manager, who had returned from his errand was standing at the sink cleaning the dishes, eyed him strangely but said nothing. Eventually, on whim and feeling pressured by the manager’s gaze, Jaebum swiped the small bottle off the counter and carried it back to the couch with him along with his glass of water.

The couch was still set up as a nest for him, with blankets and pillows still mounded up for him. Jaebum carefully set down both the glass and the prescription bottle before he climbed into the nest, using the pillows to prop him up the best he could.   His old prescription bottle was within reach so he leaned over and placed it right alongside his new prescription. He stared at both, trying to decide which route to take.

He could very easily just give in, trust the fledging bond, and allow whatever what his body was doing to just happen. If he disregarded the new prescription and just continued on as he had, to him it would be like giving into the bond. He would be giving up his tightly held grasp on controlling things and allowing Jackson to see his true self, as terrifying as that was. Or he could devote himself to fighting a potentially, or rather a probable, losing battle against his own body by taking the new, stronger prescription. And while even he would admit it was most likely a losing battle, he was hoping he could somehow stall these changes for a while longer, give himself more time to adapt and come to terms with things on his own time. Neither path seemed easy and deciding which path to take was even harder, staring at those two pill bottles that almost seemed to be mocking him with their simplistic innocence despite the importance he was putting on them.

The phone rang again suddenly and his heart rate skyrocketed when he eyed Jackson’s name sprawled across the screen. The swallowed thickly and made up his mind quickly, reaching out and wrestling open one of the pill bottles. He didn’t give himself a chance to second guess himself, tossing the pills into his mouth and swallowing it down with a large gulp of water even as the phone continued to ring. His hand was shaking as he set the glass of water down on the back, nearly spilling it despite how careful he was trying to be.

He picked up on the last ring, answering it but not lifting it up close to his ear just yet, trying to calm himself a little before he spoke. There was a beat of silence before he could hear Jackson’s voice faintly calling out to him, wondering if he was truly there. Mustering up as much courage as he could, he lifted the phone up to his ear.

“Hello?” Jackson called again, hesitantly.

“I’m here,” he answered, conscious of the pills in his stomach and the weight of his decision on his shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I happen to be Jackbum trash and tried to write a JJP fic but it turned out as a Jackbum fic instead. Shameless self promotion, but check it out if you are interested. It's called "These Trials with Already Known Results".


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